


Wot's The Deal?

by Enchiridion88



Category: Penguins of Madagascar
Genre: Anger, Comedy, Depression, F/M, Gen, Guilt, Prilene, Private Being Private, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-22 00:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3708039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchiridion88/pseuds/Enchiridion88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Private finds himself in a difficult time of life as he is caught between a disappointed team and an unexplored, and possibly disinterested, crush. Suffering from being lovestruck, occasionally depression, and questioning his character, he often wonders, "Wot's the deal?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Momentary Discharge

**Author's Note:**

> I guess it's my turn for those bad "romantic comedies" everyone does, as well as those "Private feels guilty" stories. Lots of people do them, but here's my version.  
> The title is based off the Pink Floyd song, "Wot's... uh the Deal?" which I can't help but not associate with Private. Listen to it if you get the chance. The song, "Heart of the Sunrise" by Yes also vaguely ties in, but I'm not sure how.

Not a word was spoken on the long retreat back home. The moon was just starting to peak over the cityscape. Leading the penguins, Skipper marched with irritable, stiff movements. He was furious. His gaze was transfixed on the path in front of him. He refused to bat an eye toward the others behind them. If the others had ceased following, he would neither have noticed nor cared.

The penguins returned from a highly delicate mission. The details of this mission remain classified and the parties involved should be mentioned at a later time. However, the result was obvious: they failed. Not only did the penguins lose, but their objective's location is completely unknown. It could be anywhere and be held by anyone.

Private was in the back of the group. His eyes were red and he was shaking. The youngest penguin glanced from his leader and back to the ground. His trembling flippers idled near his chest. He was terrified. A punishment would be due back at the HQ.

It was obvious as to what, or whom, caused them to fail.

He tried his hardest; really. Private felt he had done everything right. Yet the irremovable shame hung over him like dead weight.

Rico glared furiously at the penguin in question. He blamed Private for everything and the unforgivable stare only made him more timid. He recoiled, shrinking even lower and lower at the embarrassment. Rico made sure he felt this.

Kowalski, on the other hand, was the only one whose feelings were mild. Yes, they lost what was probably the most important assignment in months due to Private. However, many other missions have failed for numerous other reasons. This recent misstep with Private seemed to be garnering far too much attention. It was an honest mistake, nothing more.

He slowed down his walking, allowing Private to catch up alongside him. He rested a hand on the poor boy's shoulder, causing Rico to roll his eyes and walk faster. With Kowalski and Private alone in the back of the group, the analyst spoke, "There will always be miscalculations and mistakes. I wouldn't worry too much about it." His advice was very generic and plain. Despite his unparalleled strategic planning, he was terrible at these sort of affairs. "We've failed missions before, Private. Besides, we'll probably end up stealing it back and everyone will have forgotten this fiasco-ahem... misstep."

"Skippah doesn't think so," Private replied nervously.

"That-uh... no-...No he doesn't..."

"K'walski, am I in trouble?"

"Unfortunately that's not up for me to decide," Kowalski admitted.

Private felt unnerved by this. For the rest of the trek back, he stayed near Kowalski while feeling guilty for his mistake.

Eventually, the penguins made it through the gates to the Central Park Zoo and to their fake iceberg.

Marlene waved from her habitat, "Hey guys! How was your-" A sharp glare from Skipper followed by the ashamed faces of his comrades gave her a clear enough answer. "Okay then, I'll just be going."

The four finally arrived at their habitat. Private practically felt his bones rattling with fear at this point.

Skipper stopped, back still turned to the others. His gaze was off to the distant night sky overhead. "Boys, that's all for tonight. Dismissed."

The other three slowly shuffled towards the hatch. "Except you, Private." The littlest one stopped, quivering in fear. He hated being yelled at, even if it was just over something small.

Kowalski disobeyed his commander's orders. He stood firmly on the fake iceberg. His logic was that his presence might guilt Skipper into being not be as harsh. Seeing that no one was leaving, Rico joined him as well. He just wanted to see some violence, verbal or physical.

The air was dead silent. Private felt uncomfortable standing motionless. He had to twiddle his flippers and move his feet just to release some of the tension.

He knew what was coming. He thought he might as well ease the first blow. "S-Skippah... I-I'm really sorry about what happened a-and I promise it won't...uhm..."

"Private," Skipper finally spoke. The younger penguin jolted to attention. "I'm disappointed in you."

Private had been called names constantly, but those words were just so direct. So straight forward. They were just so matter of fact.

The leader turned to face the culprit, "Do you know what you did wrong?"

"I...uhm..."

"Do you know why we lost?!" Skipper was growing angrier. He tried to calm himself back down.

"I-I'm sorry I messed up. I-,wa-It was an accident."

"But it wasn't an accident. I wouldn't be angry if it was an accident, but this was completely intentional! When are you going to stop letting your feelings ruin the mission?"

Private was squirming where he stood and shrinking in on himself, "I-I-"

Skipper was stepping closer and closer as Private inched backwards, "You were right there. You could have gotten the objective but you let your feelings get in the way. And now, Hans or Blowhole could have it! We don't know who, though! It could be anywhere now!"

"I-I... I'm sorry," Private meekly cried, his eyes starting to water. Rico wished he had a bag of popcorn right about now.

This infuriated Skipper. "You're sorry? Is that all you have to say?!"

"I'm sorry, Skippah!"

Skipper raised his flipper. He had done this dozens, hundreds of times before, but never to this extent.

With unwavering eyes compared to the boy's pleading, terrified look, Skipper slapped Private across the face. Hard. The earth shattering crack stunned Kowalski and Rico. They both knew it was coming yet were still unsettled by the very act.

Private whimpered as he brought his flipper to his cheek. Tears streamed down his face as he softly sobbed. He has been hit all his life, but never struck. Furthermore, he could taste something funny in his mouth. It felt dirty as the rare substance swished around in his beak. It was blood.

Skipper shook his flipper trying to rid it of the painful sting of hitting him that hard.

He noticed the boy's sharp reaction. Usually, he would feel some form of regret or sadness, but not this time. Private's actions were inconsolable. Skipper lifted his other flipper towards him. "Private-..." he fumed. He struggled to retain his temper to continue this punishment. "Private, you are on momentary discharge from the HQ until I figure out what to do with you."

"W-w-what?" Private asked confused, still whimpering.

"You can find somewhere else to sleep, but you can't stay here." He turned and headed for the hole leading into the HQ, "Training begins at 0900. Sharp. Dismissed." Skipper climbed down into the iceberg, still visibly aggravated.

Out of sight of his leader, Private's crying intensified. His sobs grew louder and he shook more with each cry.

Rico shrugged and went back inside. Private messed everything up, right? So what if he got what was coming to him? These were Rico's views at least. Also, he was being a massive pansy.

Kowalski on the other hand sought for a way to comfort the youngest of their group. He never read anything dictating the standard response that dictated to such an act, nor did he comprehend the emotional stimuli that Private needed. He awkwardly waddled over. His hands were figitting.

"I, uh, Private..." he forced out, "Well, um. Hang in there."

Yeah. Smooth. This statement was obviously executed with the most unparalleled of slyness. After that whimsical advice, Kowalski uncomfortably shuffled back to the HQ and joined the others.

Private's crying did not cease. Abandoned by his friends, he felt utterly alone. He glanced hastily around the zoo. He had no idea who to see; who would help him?

He was afraid.

This was unusual. Skipper and the others were always there. Marlene seemed to join them at every outing. He never truly felt fearful on missions because of them. Yet... here he was on his own. Skipper wasn't done with his punishments yet either. There would be more top of that, he was temporarily homeless.

He tried to wipe up his tears, yet the sobbing continued.

"There has to be someone here who can help," he though optimistically. Yeah, they were all his friends, right? He could try the monkeys; the lemurs; maybe even Marl-"No, I... I can't ask her. I'll probably do something to mess that up somehow too. Oh buggah..." Besides, a quick glance at her habitat showed no signs of life. She had probably already gone to bed and Private did not want to be rude and wake her. And there was also that, well, other reason...

He began to wander around the zoo. The night sky overhead grew even darker as clouds blotted out the stars on the horizon. The young penguin would have to hurry.

His first stop was the closest: the chimpanzees. The penguin waddled within fifty feet of the exhibit before stopping, gagging, feeling as though his nose was on its death bed, and immediately absconded the other direction.

He stopped by Leonard the Koala's habitat next.

"Hello Leonard!" Private greeted cheerfully to the koala in his tree.

"No!"

"Wha-?"

"NOPE! No!"

"L-Leona-?"

"Not happening! I don't know what you want, penguin, and I don't care! All you cretins bring is destruction and chaos and mass hysteria!"

"Oh," Private replied dishearteningly, "S-sorry for disturbing you."

The next place on his list was the lemur habitat. As he approached, he was left with he beak gaped and mortified. Julian and Maurice were covered in tribal paint and dancing around an equally painted Mort who lay tied to the ground.

The penguin spoke awkwardly, "Uh... Julian?"

The mad king stopped his dancing, "Someone has stopped the royal ceremony, WHO HAS STOPPED THE ROYAL CEREMONY?!"

"H-hello..."

"Ohhehe, it is you flippered birdie who never shuts up," Julian greeted warmly. Private gasped in offense. "Well what is it? What to you need of being from the King? Can't you see we are a little busy?"

"I just wanted to know if-if I could, well... stay here for the night, if that's okay," he said twiddling his feet.

Maurice replied, "Yeah, sorry. Tonight's not a good night. We got this going on." He seemed less than enthusiastic and bored out of his mind.

"Um, what is this, if you don't mind me asking?"

Julian spoke as he began dancing again, "We are praying to the sky spirits to take Mort as an offering for eternal parties and for ridding us of annoyances and touchings of the feet!"

Private stood there. "...k."

Maurice responded, "We do this every Thursday."

"And the sky spirits will STILL not take him, eh?! What's wrong?! You don't like Mort?! Well, neither do I, but's beside the pointyness."

"I'm a sacrifice!" Mort gleefully yelled.

"We know," Maurice groaned.

"Oh dear," Private replied mortified. "S-s-so should I be going?"

"Yeah I think that's best," Maurice replied and then mouthed the words Save yourself!

"Augh! Maurice! Less chitchat and more pitpat-ted-ting with the feets!" Julian commanded.

"Yes your majesty..."

After that... encounter... Private went to the rest of the animals. Everyone was either asleep or flat out rejected. He even made the effort to ask Joey. Private was able to say two whole words before receiving an "UP YERS!".

Eventually, it grew close to midnight and Private still found himself homeless and alone. He became worried about what on earth he would do for the night. "Could it possibly get any worse?" he sighed to himself in defeat.

Almost on cue, the clouds overhead thundered as a light drizzle poured down.

plink

Marlene snapped out of her doze. It was the slightest of taps outside her habitat.

plink

Outside the rain loudly crashed onto every surface. The steady rainfall sounded more like a continuous note more than its usual patter. This tapping, though, stuck out. It sounded desperate, as if someone needed help.

"What the heck...?" Marlene muttered to herself as she neared the exit of her fake volcano. She gazed outside. The rain hazed over everything and it seemed impossible to venture a few feet without being completely soaked to the bone.

plink plink

"Oooohhh I don't want to get wet," she grimaced to herself. She was going to have to toughen up.

She prepared herself. "Okay, I'm just gonna run outside, take a quick glance around, then rush back inside. Yeah. Wooh. Good plan. Uh..." She closed her eyes and scrunched her face up, "One... two... two and a half... two and a half of a half..."

plink plink plink

She groaned, "Alright! Three!"

She sprinted out into the pouring rain. Her feet danced off the ground. Her arms stuck out in heightened response to the freezing water. "Coldcoldcoldcold," she muttered.

She made it to the other side of her volcano to find... "Private?" she said aloud.

The small penguin seemed not to have heard her. He stood on the other side of her habitat fence. He held small pebbles in his shaking hands. His entire body refused to stand still. He chucked a handful of pebbles at the volcano. Private began to give up hope and started to turn around.

"Private!" Marlene called out.

He turned, shocked by the sound of her voice.

He shivered, "C-c-c-c-an I come in? Please?"

"Private, why are on earth are you outside my house?"

"Skipper, he-he kicked me out," he struggled to say. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah...Uh, sure, just come right on in," she said with a considerate yet puzzled tone.

Private sighed in relief. He hardly expected her to come out for him. Speaking of which, even in the rain, she still had a mesmerizing shine to her, almost as if the sun was still shining through the stormiest weather.

After he ventured over her habitat fence, he shuffled his way to the other side of Marlene's volcano. The otter was already under the shelter of her volcano's tunnel by the time he made it inside.

He noticed how soaked she was, "S-sorry about this."

Drops of water fell from Marlene, soaking the floor as they walked towards her room. "Nope, no, no it's fine," she lied as her gaze fixed on the mess across her habitat. Finally she looked at the penguin in front of her. Private was completely soaked and was shivering violently. "Oh my gosh, Private, are you okay?"

The young penguin only replied with more shivering.

"How long have you been standing out there? You must be freezing!"

Private smiled weakly and nodded. Actually, he's been much colder and in worse shape. In truth, something else was hurting him deeper inside which caused him to shake.

She grabbed the blanket from the other bed in her enclosure. She didn't really have a rag or a towel, so the miniature blanket was the next option. Marlene then wrapped the shivering penguin in the orange cloth.

He stood there; frozen. She acted so tenderly. Private reached for the blanket which crossed his chest. His flippers unknowingly rested on Marlene's paws. Her fur was soft to the touch. Private immediately felt his stomach begin to rise at the nervous excitement.

With the blanket wrapped around the shivering penguin, Marlene withdrew her hands.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" she asked sincerely.

It took him some time before he snapped back to attention. He shyly shook his head. He can't tell her. She'd feel bad then try to get involved. Skipper would get angrier at Private and then who knows what would happen. He didn't want to trouble her with his mess.

She began to experience minute feelings of rage. "What is wrong with him? In the morning, I'm gonna go over there and give him a piece of my mind."

"NO!" Private blurted out, "It was my fault. I messed up. It's okay. Please, please, don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? It would be no trouble and heh, I've been told I can be persuasive..." she said with a cocky smirk.

"I'm sure," he answered doubtfully. Her smile dissipated as he ironic humor just brushed right off him.

"Oh... ok..." she awkwardly responded.

"Y-yeah..."

"So... um, I guess I'll set up the guest bunk."

"Oh! I forgot. Um, I'm sorry I woke you up, Marlene."

"No no, it's fine," she muttered tiredly as she walked over to the other stone slab against the wall to the right of her bed. "Just gotta up the guest bunk," she yawned. "Guest bunk... why do I even have a guest bunk anyway? It's not like I have guests. Well, I do now. But why did they build it in the first place?"

Private felt awkward as he stood there with her incessant rambling taking place. He spoke, "Uhm...T-thank you for all this, though."

"Huh-wha-? Oh, Y-yeah! No problem. Just setting up the guest bed for the guests I don't have..."

With his host occupied, Private waltzed around her habitat noting all the different quirks and belongings she owned. The finger paintings of various New York landmarks and other zoo animals caught his attention. He noted the caricatures of the other four penguins and how, um... bloated... his was. "I'm not that tubby, am I?" he questioned as poked his jiggly stomach. Then he stopped when he saw something particular taped on the wall near her bunk. It was the photo booth roll of Marlene, Private, and the badgers.

He felt an inward disbelief followed by insurmountable glee from the photos.

"You kept this?" he said to her. He tried his hardest to keep his excitement down and remain obtuse.

"Hm?" Marlene replied turning, "Oh, that. Well, why wouldn't I? That was a lot of fun."

Private giggled, "We sure showed those badgers, didn't we, Marlene?"

"Riiiiiight. I'm gonna be honest, it's about a quarter past way too late so..."

"Oh. Right. S-sorry Marlene."

The otter crawled into to her bunk while Private nestled in between the sheets. The penguin lay still for a while, eyes directed towards the ceiling before saying, "Have you ever had a slumber party, Marlene?"

She awoke groggily and assumed Private meant something else, "I'm sorry, what?"

"You know, a slumber party?"

"If you count a three-hundred pound walrus, sure."

"Oh, that's right. I don't really think it counts with the others though. Hehe, I guess this is my first slumber party."

"That's nice, Private. That's nice," she halfheartedly replied as she drifted off.

A few minutes passed before the silence was interrupted. "Psst... Psssssst... Marlene? Are you awake?" Private whispered.

"No..."

"Marlene...Do you ever wonder-"

"Private! Can we just... go to sleep...?"

"R-right. Sorry, Marlene," the penguin blushed as he replied.

Private lay back in his bunk. His brief guilty blush was replaced with the terrifying realization of what was to come tomorrow morning. He messed up royally; there was no denying that. He no doubt would be suffering from it for some time. But his squad mates couldn't keep this up forever, could they? Maybe the others wouldn't look at him the same after that. Maybe they'd baby him forever... The thought flushed his face red and he grew hot with anticipated embarrassment. His eyes were watering already.

He quickly dried his face and felt ashamed with his state. "Just listen to Princess Goodia. Just try to think happy thoughts" he lied to himself as he cowered in his sheets. "Think about Peanut Butter Winkies and Lunacorns and a cool breeze on a summer day and Shakespeare and Marlene..."

His eyes shot open at that last thought. His thoughts seemed so loud that Marlene surely heard him. He rolled over and, to his relief, found her still asleep. His heartbeat echoed seemingly throughout the entire cave.

He relaxed back in his bunk. Finding comfort in his solidarity, he thought about the otter ten feet away. He thought about the eccentric, sarcastic way she carries herself. He thought about the way she smirks whenever she knows she's right. He thought about how she always makes his heart all tingly and happy inside.

Despite tomorrow's inevitable fears, Private drifted off to sleep with a smile.


	2. Rough Day, Huh?

Unfortunately, morning came and the youngest of the penguins was forced to wake up. He barely opened his eyes as his everything was still foggy. He yawned meekly with outstretched flippers. There was no siren or bullhorn to force himself out of bed. He lay there casually, relaxed. There was a short feeling in his gut that wanted to force him to jump straight out and begin doing laps. It was, after all, a habit he carried with the rest of the penguins for a few years. Now, it felt as if he was defying some natural order, some sacred penguin law.

Private lay there, webbed toes outstretched and nuzzling more comfortably under his blanket. He had a childlike smile on his face. This was the first time he went to sleep without one of his lunacorn plushies. He didn't think it was possible to last a night without one. Maybe he could get used to living at Marlene's for a while.

Then he remembered why he was there. Everyone was still upset and disappointed in him. Skipper would be much harsher in some regard today. Eventually, he would be forced to get up anyway and subject himself to what ever other troubles Skipper had in store for him. He swung his legs around off the bed, sighed, and reluctantly lifted himself to his feet.

Private glanced over at Marlene's bed. She was passed out laying on her stomach with an arm drooped down off the rock. She was snoring rather loudly.

Private let his shoulders sink. It would have been nice to have talked to or at least heard something from Marlene before he left. He paced around the room awkwardly, seeing if there was anything he could leave for her as a  _thank you_  gesture or if he should just wake her up outright. Both of those ideas seemed very bad and embarrassing. But if he left without saying anything, would that be rude? He only ever lived with his brothers and was not accustomed to sleep overs.

 _"What should I do? I could, um, oh deary me, I'm just awful at these,"_  he thought as he paced back and forth. The panic was setting in. What if he messed this much up? Would she get mad? Maybe she wouldn't talk to him. Maybe she might kick him out and also look down on him. Oh dear. Oh dear!

"Private."

"Aghgh!" Private jolted in surprise as he turned to Marlene. His squeal was less than flattering and his flippers now rested uncomfortably at his stomach.

The otter was, for a short time, watching him pace back and forth in his worry. She shot him a look of concern and slight judgement. "Are you alright?"

He replied quickly and timidly, "Yes, I, uhm, was just wondering if I should have left something to say that I was leaving but then that would seem weird, well not that I'm weird, but that would be weird, or if I should leave. But that would be rude. Would that be rude? I don't know it's your house-"

"Private."

"and I don't know wot you'd expect and I'm sorry-"

"Private!"

He stopped immediately, flinching at her raised voice.

"Hey, it's okay," Marlene said, cocking a smile, "I don't understand what you're getting so worked up about."

"I'm sorry. I, well, I'm just nervous I'll do something else wrong."

Marlene understood completely what was going on. "Are you  _that_  nervous about Skipper?"

Private brought his flippers up to his beak, as if he spilled a horrible secret. Was it really that obvious. He closed his eyes and slightly nodded his head.

"If you're scared, I can come with you. Maybe I can talk to him with you. Would that help?"

He hated the word  _scared_. It made him feel weak and reminded of how much of a child he still was. "NO! I-I-I mean, n-n-no, I can handle it. It's nothing at all."

She looked at him, puzzled. "What  _did_  you do yesterday?"

Private hesitated. He did not want to remind himself, let along embarrass himself to another person. It was bad enough his team had to encounter everything first hand. Speaking of which, he has his miserable morning drills to do. They start soon...right?

They start at nine and it's, uhm..."Oh no," Private thought aloud as he slid away from Marlene. "Thanks for everything!" he called out as he exited before the otter could say anything.

He leaped out of Marlene's exhibit and crossed through the zoo. He did not want to dare look at the clock.

On top of the iceberg, the other three penguins were already awake and in the midst of training.  _"Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno"_  Private crammed in his thoughts as he hurried quickly into the penguin exhibit.

Private leaped onto the iceberg, huffing and panting. Rico smirked, ready to see something interesting go down. Kowalski subtly shook his head.

"Well I'm glad you could fit us into your busy schedule, Private," Skipper remarked in a sarcastic tone.

"S-skippah, I'm sorry." The lead penguin didn't have time for any excuses. Private then noticed that Skipper was holding his lunacorn plushie in his flippers. "Princess Self Respecta..." Private muttered in horrid disbelief.

"Private, you are too soft for this team! There's going to be some changes around here! These things are doing nothing but messing with your mind and making you fail missions! Rico!" Skipper said as he turned to said penguin. Rico opened his beak beneath his grin. "You won't be needing this any time soon," Skipper announced as he threw the girly toy down the weapon expert's stomach.

Private gasped in terror, already feeling light headed and ready to burst into tears. "W-Why...?" Kowalski could only stand back and glance back and forth between them.

"I've realized that I've given you too much slack over the years," he said pacing back and forth.

"Uh, Skipper, permission to speak...?" Kowalski tried to intervene.

"De-nied, Kowalski. Private, you are on suspension, soldier."

"W-wot does that mean?"

"Except for visiting hours, you are off limits from hq."

Private gasped, eyes still watery. Kowalski chimed in more forcefully, "Uh, Skipper. That's breaking protocol of never swimming alone-"

"Zip it."

"S-Skippah, I'm really sorry about everything. I,  _gulp_  I know what I did wrong and it won't happen again. Promise!" Private squeaked out, legs shaking.

Skipper looked at the younger soldier with a deadpan expression. "Well, well! Oh if you say so, that makes a world of difference! Maybe we should just call up Blowhole or Hans right now and tell them the good news! They'll send it right back to us with, who knows, maybe a fruit basket or something."

"Oo, roo- rasket," Rico chirped up.

"It's sarcasm!"

"Aww."

"The point is, Private, that you're still inherently a child. You're going to keep making the same mistakes based off your  _feelings_  until it gets one of killed one day. Is that what you want?!"

"N-N-N-no, s-s-kippah," Private surrendered, shivering and ready to cry.

"Skipper," Kowalski implored.

"Shut up!" Skipper snapped. "Private, this is for your own good! And first thing's first, seeing how you're thirty minutes late, we're going to have to double your PT. Rico, Kowalski; you're free to go."

* * *

"Eighteen. Nineteen."

Private was used to the usual regimen that the rest of the team was issued. However, not only did Skipper double his training, he made it much more intensive.

After forty minutes of hell, Private was ready to give out. He was, at this point, working on his second set of chin-ups. This time, Rico dangled from his legs and added to the strain. The weapons analyst never left when he was supposed to and was more than willing to be a helpful volunteer.

The beating sun played a toll on the young penguin. The humidity in the air gave Private a growing feeling of claustrophobia. His muscles were aching and every ounce of his fiber wanted to let go and sink to the floor. He had been crying on and off for quite some time. His face carried the weariness of sheer defeat. This all seemed pointless. To him, this had nothing to do with making him stronger or tougher. Skipper was just torturing him.

"Twenty. Come on Private, I bet ringtail could do better than you!"

"Probably," King Julien added from a distance. The lemur was lounging on his throne wearing sunglasses and drinking a coconut smoothie. He was just enjoying the show.

"Twenty-one. Come on Private, twenty-nine more to go!"

"Ah huh," Rico grinned down below.

Private struggled to lift himself up again. His body shook horribly as his flippers clenched. It felt that his muscles were rubbing against his bones. His face grew red as he lifted himself up, grunting and panting along the way.

"I can't do it, Skippah," the penguin moaned, eyes closed.

"What do you mean you can't do it?!"

He let go and dropped to the ground atop Rico, who promptly threw him off. "I'm sorry. I just can't, I can't do it anymore."

"Private, get back on that bar. That's an order soldier!"

"Do it, please. It was just getting to the entertainments!" Julien shouted.

"I can't," Private muttered.

"Fine! Then you're going to give me two laps-"

"The zoo opens in ten minutes!" Someone shouted in the distance.

"One lap around the zoo!"

Private shrugged. He was grateful to at least be nearly done with his horrible morning. "Yeah...okay...that sounds fair..."

The distraught penguin lifted himself to his feet only to immediately fall back to the ground as he began to slide away.

"Woah woah woah! Woah," Skipper stopped him. "I never said anything about sliding!"

"B-B-But-"

"Run it. And the clock's ticking Private!" Skipper smirked.

Private felt his heart race at the news. He immediately set off, feet pattering against the concrete. "Stupid Skippah, and stupid running, and stupid me," Private chocked out as he sprinted. His little webbed feet were horribly inefficient. He barely had any legs to speak of and about a quarter of the way through, he was already beginning to cramp.

All around, the eyes of the other animals hovered over him. Private felt himself blush with embarrassment with every exhibit he passed. He was just focused on finishing as fast as possible and getting this all over with. He did not even realize that he already passed Marlene's habitat until he neared the lemur exhibit. He did not dare think what kind of look she gave him, it would just make him feel worse.

At once, the bell above the entrance to the zoo rang throughout the park. Private snapped to horrified attention. He disobeyed orders and beelined straight for the penguin exhibit. He leaped onto the iceberg just as the the zoo swarmed with dozens of eager humans.

Private collapsed on the iceberg, panting and heaving heavily. He never ate breakfast and his stomach was caving in on itself.

The other three were smiling and waving as usual. The odd and concerned looks from the observers made the penguins look back at the youngest. "Private, get up!" Skipper whispered.

"I can't Skippah."

"Private!"

Kowalski waved his commander off subtly as he leaned over the exhausted boy. "Private, I know you must be exhausted and that Skipper is way out of line, but if I were you, I'd  _really_  consider standing back up." He looked back at Skipper who glared at the two of them. There was a hint of embarrassment etched on his face. "Please."

Private sighed heavily. His body heaved with each breath. The iceberg was cool against his feathers. Reluctantly, he grabbed Kowalski's flipper and was pulled to his feet. "T-thanks, K'walski."

Private and Kowalski joined ranks with the others. His flippers still hurt. He kept his waving at shoulder height and constantly switched back and forth between flippers. His smile was fake and looked like it was etched across his beak with a chisel. Whenever no human was around, Private let his shoulders sink and dropped his goofy smile. Skipper replied with a stern look and the young penguin would resume his painful charade.

Eight hours pass by.

Finally, the last customer leaves and Private lets himself collapse back onto the cool surface of the artificial ice. The lead penguin waddled over to him, only to be stopped by Kowalski. "Skipper, I think he's been through enough today. Maybe we should just let him go for now."

Skipper thought it over a moment. "Well, alright, alright. Private, you're, uh, you're free to go. But you're giving me two extra laps for the one you missed today."

"Thank you Skippah," Private heaved as he lay on the ice.

"Now come on boys, Game of Crowns is on next. I hope that spoiled hippy brat gets his comeuppance; don't you Rico?" Skipper smiled, acting as though nothing happened beforehand. Rico nodded his head in excitement. Usually, they would never be able to watch such adult tv programming with the young Private in the same room.

Kowalski lingered behind a bit. "Uh, how are you feeling?" he asked awkwardly, unsure of how to help.

Private sat up, "I don't understand why I keep doing everything wrong."

"It's not  _always_  your fault," the analyst replied awfully as he plopped alongside him.

"Everything I do right is usually on accident and-and even then I still don't help much."

"Oh come on now, Private! There've been plenty of times you've helped! This team would be nothing without you!"

"I don't feel that way. And Skippah just makes me feel worse about it! I'm tryin' real hard, K'walski. I really am!"

Kowalski sighed as he stood up, "I know you are. I'll try to talk to Skipper. I'll see you tomorrow...I guess..."

"Thank you K'Walski."

Private sate on the iceberg for quite some time after his brother had already leaped back into HQ. The entire day had been absolutely wretched from start to finish.

 _"Oh, come on now Private. Don't be so down and out! You can always end a bad day on a high note._ "

Private still felt unsure about his own thoughts. Despite liking Marlene to his heart's content, there was one thing he wanted to do now more than anything else. He stood up, almost collapsed from the sheer pain in his feet, and waddled over to Marlene's.

The female otter was waiting patiently at the doorway to her cave. When the young penguin finally leaped from the top of the fence onto the little landing, she ironically, yet sympathizingly, asked, "Rough day, huh?" Private nodded meekly. His body was still shaking. "Private, you look awful."

"I feel awful," he muttered under his breath.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I would love to, but, to be honest, I just wanna go to bed."

"Oh... okay..." she replied in a worried tone. Private waddled past her, completely drained. He fell face first onto his bunk. Everything hurt.

Within seconds, he was out cold. In the brief moments before he drifted off, he concluded that tomorrow was, in fact, going to be worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not have much emphasis on Prilene or the major themes I am going for later on. This is more of just a set up chapter. I'll have more fluff and angst in the next few chapters.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know what you think of this so far, if there are any things I could change or improve upon, and if you have any predictions or hopes for our little hero. I know Prilene is not really that popular, so thank you nevertheless for reading.


	3. Disappointed

_"Hey...you awake yet?"_

The penguin groaned.

_"Wake up."_

Private shook his head no.

 _"Private, I am going to roll you into the pool outside. Now get up._ "

Private groggily opened his eyes. He slept through a dreamless night. His muscles were still feeling sore from the day before. Then he remembered about yesterday. "What time is it?" Private snapped as his eyes shot open.

"Eight-thirty on the dot! See?" Marlene teased, "What would you do without me?"

Private breathed a sigh of relief as he rolled over. Marlene was standing a few steps away from him with her paws on her hips. Her smile was not one really a grin, per say, but more along the lines of one of her smug sarcastic looks. "What a wake up call too! You know, I was thinking 'Ooow! Maybe dumping a bucket of fish water' or drawing all over your face. But I thought this would be a little nicer. Juuuust a little."

"Gee, thanks," Private remarked as he sat up.

"How you feeling?"

He shrugged, "Oh, I'm just fine I guess. Everything hurts though."

"And I can't imagine Skipper playing nice."

"No...No, he won't."

Marlene said, "I can try to set him straight if you want me to. All you need to do is say something."

Private continually shook his head while she spoke. "I don't think that would work. Believe me." Private felt bad that the only conversation the two seemed to have was going back and forth about Skipper.

"You sure?"

"I, I don't know...It seems like that's all we talk about."

"Oh...okay. Sorry," Marlene replied, taken aback. She was just trying to help.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Private left his beak open, struggling to say something. "I'm not quite sure."

"Well, here's one way to look at all of this. The zoo opens at ten and Skipper can't keep you forever. Just keep thinking that it'll all be over and that no matter what, you'll be back here and in bed. Then it'll all be over before you know it."

"I don't know Marlene. That doesn't sound like it would work."

"Trust me, how do you think I make it through Julien talking to me."

Private smiled, "Okay. I'll give it a shot." Then he was left with the awkward silence in the room. What on earth was he supposed to talk to her about? " _Say something say something say something say something!_ " "So, I think I should be going."

"You sure?"

"Skippah would want me there early."  _"CRUD!"_

"Okay, if you say so."

Private motioned for the exit, but stopped and said, "Thanks for everything, Marlene. Really, it helps."

She gave a shabby two finger salute, "Any time."

Private smiled and made his way to the penguin exhibit, unsure of what to expect.

.

* * *

Skipper and the other two penguins topside on the iceberg. When they saw Private coming, Kowalski sighed in relief. Rico simply waved at his brother as if nothing had happened. Not much got to Rico and two days to wait caused everything to fizzle out. He also knew what was coming, so he could not feel  _that_  horrible towards Private.

Skipper was generally surprised for a moment as the youngest penguin climbed up to meet the others. "Private, reporting for duty, Skippah," he saluted poorly. His voice was timid, but he maintained his composure.

"Well, well, someone decided to get out of bed this morning. Well done, cadet. But this is not mamby pamby hour. This is not the Austrian military, we will not be going soft, and there will be no complaining. "

Private gulped for a short moment as he still held his salute.

Skipper smirked in his usual fashion, "Now, seeing as we got a head start,  _someone_  has some stretching to do. Well, better late than never!"

"Skippah..."

"Why don't we touch our toes?"

"Skippah...!"

Skipper continued smiling, "Come on, I know you have it in you!"

The wheezing, tired penguin grimaced. He leaned over with his arms stretched forward. "Feet together Private! What is this, the French Navy? Do it right!" Private closed his eyes as he brought his feet together. Unfortunately, his stomach was too large and he could barely reach anywhere close. He let it sink in how unfit Private was. "What's wrong, Private?"

"N-Nothing Skippah!"

Kowalski started, "Skipper this is-"

The commando turned to look at his analyst, expecting what would come next.

"-Agoodideasorryforinterrupting!"

Private closed his eyes, thinking over and over, " _This is going to end eventually, just hang in there."_

After this little embarrassing display, training commenced as normal. Private participated alongside his other brothers. However, he might as well have been by himself. Skipper completely ignored Rico and Kowalski to the point where Rico just began rolling around on the ground instead of doing sit-ups.

Every push-up, every movement, every breath Private made was harshly scrutinized. There was always something. His form was off. His chest was too low, then too high, then too low again. Everything Private did, Skipper made note of it. He made sure Private was under constant harassment.

Private just sighed and continued focusing only on the fact that at some point this would be over. Everything would fade into memory and he would find himself back in bed by the end of the day; and what a goddamn great sleep it would be. Occasionally, his mind would lapse back to complete attention as Skipper found some new point to criticize.

Private's muscles ached far worse than the day before. He was forced to do the same reps over and over until Skipper was satisfied, but he didn't care. He just wanted to fall asleep right on the fake ice. Kowalski and Rico were also feeling it. They were forced to do everything with Private, including each replicated exercise. He hoped it would guilt trip the young penguin. Private would look over to Kowalski and see the exhaustion and momentary disdain in his eyes and would force himself out of to guilt to give just enough effort.

Despite the fact the Rico was rolling around the place and goofing off, Kowalski could not bring himself to avoid any official training. It went against his character. That still didn't keep him from complaining. "Who does he think- _hurgha_ -he is?" Kowalski muttered in between push-ups. Rico shrugged as he used a survival knife as a toothpick despite not having teeth.

It was then that Skipper realized Private's mindset. With Private's weariness taking its toll, he could tell that Private was in the process of giving up. He was half-assing everything so he could run the clock down. This disappointed Skipper immensely; one of his men was simply giving up in the face of hardship.

So Skipper made each second sink in. The lead penguin starting counting. He began out of the blue and just kept going. Kowalski and Private looked at him like he was nuts; that was until Private could no longer focus. Every time he tried to let his mind wander, the counting would just sink back in.  _"Just remember, this will all be over one two three four five, buggah!"_

Then came the worst part. Skipper ordered the young recruit to stand on his head...and start counting. He never told him when to stop, just to keep counting.

So Private obeyed. With a heaving chest, he stood on his flippers, closed his eyes, and began mouthing out the seconds. He could not escape this. His mind concentrated on every, last second as it stretched on. His arms were on fire and his forehead was sweating tremendously.

"Keep your feet straight, Private!" Skipper would occasionally call out.

"Y-Yes sir!"

"Did I say to stop counting?"

"N-Nininini-...Ninety-two!"

Around the 150 second mark, Skipper finally let the recruit stop. Private dropped to the ground, faced strained with pain. His flippers felt detached from his body. They were outstretched as though they still wanted to stay in the handstand.

Just watching him, Kowalski and Skipper were feeling second hand anxiety and pain. Rico was passive. If only he had popcorn during the ordeal. Actually, he regurgitated some already and ate it all.

Skipper spoke, "Kowalski, Rico, you're relieved. Private."

"Yes, Skippah?" Private replied in an exasperated tone.

"You still have two laps to give me."

Private groaned. He forced himself to one side of the zoo with Skipper and began running. There were twenty minutes left before the zoo opened. Whatever he did not finish now would be pounded on to tomorrow.

One lap down and he was already beginning to feel the burn in his lungs. Animals were making funny, inquisitive comments. Private would try and fail to ignore them all. His cheeks would go red and he would grow hot from the embarrassment.

Julien was genuinely, in his misguided view, worried for the little penguin. On the second lap, he screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM?! You cannot run from the problems!" Maurice simply slammed his palm into his face, hoping it would make the stupid go away.

Just then, the young soldier turned to his right and was horrified. Marlene was waltzing her way over to where Skipper was. She looked angry, and when she arrived where the leader was, she began yelling and pointing at him.

Private could not hear what was going on, but he knew exactly who they were both talking about. "Oh dear..." He danced back and forth, contemplating whether or not he should cut out his running and slide directly over there.

After some antsing around, Private groaned aloud and slid straight over there. He arrived too late and the two were already argument.

"No, Skipper,  _you_  cannot keep putting someone through this! Especially someone like Private!"

"Well, I can, considering I am his commanding officer."

Skipper was more morose and calm while Marlene was heated. The ends of their sentences were always cut off by the other interrupting.

"H-Hello?!" Private tried to cut in the conversation. He was left a few steps back, timidly raising his flipper. He did not have the courage to separate them.

"You have no idea what this is doing to him and you keep doing it just to show how big of a man you are!"

"Oh really?"

"Yep, uh huh, that's exactly it!"

"So this is is all a show?"

"Skippah, Marlene, please!"

"I know you, of course this is!"

"So I don't care about my men? Is that what your saying?"

"Your  _men?_  You mean your brothers?! That's a funny name for them!"

"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LISTEN TO ME?!"

In the midst of their 'discussion', Skipper turned to the penguin he had been ignoring, "Did I tell you to stop? Keep on running soldier!"

"Okay," Private squealed out.

"That's 'yes sir'!"

"YES SIR!" he yelled as he sprinted off.

Marlene was appalled, "Oh, yeah, exactly what I'm talking about."

"Calm down fussy britches, he could use the exercise."

"This,  _this_  is just unfair!" Marlene said.

"Calm down Marlene, this is all just standard procedural exercise rule things."

"Skipper he's just a boy!"

"And that's exactly why I'm doing this. Come on, Marlene, what's a little extra training and a bit of humiliation to toughen him up. It's like TLC but for big boys."

She groaned, "Ugh, I can't stand you sometimes!" She unknowingly inched closer to him, "What is it with you and being so stubborn about everything?!"

He slid a little closer as well, "Last time I checked, me being stubborn wasn't such a bad thing."

All the while, Private was watching the two while on his run. He noticed how close the two were getting, but still could not make anything of it. Marlene still looked angry, but for some reason, Private felt an intangible ping of jealousy and a little...embarrassment...He couldn't quite place it.

"Yeah, but it also makes you so unbearable!"

Skipper smiled at this exchange, "We're not talking about Private anymore, are we?"

Marlene opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. She retracted, trying to think of what to say, embarrassed and blushing. She said quieter, "Whatever we had before is over."

"You don't think I know that?" Skipper moved back, losing his smile, "You were very  _very_  clear on all that. I can't still talk to my favorite otter?"

"I'm the only otter..."

"Exactly! Proven my point. Besides, Private needs this."

Marlene looked back to the weezing Private then back to Skipper, "So this is your version of 'tough love'?"

"What? Well, I wouldn't say that but a little tough love never hurt, am I right?"

"Oh, so that's how it was with me?" she shot back.

"What? I never said that."

"Oh but you know that's what it was! No, you just had to make it about you and get out without a scratch-"

"Marlene-"

"And left it all on me cause 'I can take it' and that's 'tough love!'"

"Hey, I was torn up too-"

"But you just had to shove it all off on me. Cause you just can't let anything in, can you?!" She was tearing up, getting more frustrated each second, "Because you're Skipper and it all has to be about you being on top of things!"

"Marlene, you're making a scene-"

"And blaming everyone else for what you do, 'CAUSE it's always everyone else's fault' isn't it?! You're a hypocrite; you're a liar; you're a coward-"

"Marelene-!"

She stormed off, tears started to roll down her cheeks, "Have fun with your 'TLC'!" Her sobbing, or lack thereof, was hidden behind her anger and smiling.

Skipper stood there fuming. A multitude of emotions ran through him at once. His face was red with a mixture of embarrassment and slight anger. And a little bit of something else that he couldn't quite place.

After some time, Private's jogging became more of a combination of stumbling and wobbling around. He dropped to the ground next to Skipper, who was still frozen in place, heaving and panting. "I-I did it, Skipper..." he horsed out.

"Private..." Skipper said, still looking straight ahead.

"Y-y-yes, Skippah...?"

"Give me another lap."

"Bu-...bu-...aughhhhhhh..."

The small penguin forced himself up and began jogging.

* * *

The day played out almost exactly as it did the day before. The only exception was that Private was so much more drained. There was an entire hour long stretch where he just stood sulking over, fake smile ingrained over exhaustion. After some stern looks from Skipper, Private instead began waddling in circles around the iceberg. The fact that there was an animal making some type of action was enough to erupt "oohs" and "ahhhs" from the zoo patrons. Skipper was at least a little lenient for this.

Surprisingly, Kowalski was also putting up a similar struggle. Though not to Private's extent, Kowalski became sore from the constant waving. It was, in his eyes, slightly demeaning. He tried not to put the blame on Private, though.

Fortunately enough, it was a Sunday and the zoo closed at five; though at 4:45 Alice was already shouting and shoving people out the gates. Every objection that there was still time left was met with a "Sue me" or "Take it up with my manager" response.

Private breathed easy, knowing that he was off the hook.

"Well, if you all don't mind," Kowalski stated, "There are a few last minute touches I need to do in my lab. Private, can I expect you in about five minutes?"

"Um, okay."

The analyst descended into the HQ, leaving the other three on the iceberg. Rico shrugged, sat on the side of the iceberg, pulled out a fishing pole, and began casting at random throughout the zoo.

Private, fearing something awful, began to slowly make his way out of the habitat.

"Private."

The penguin froze in his tracks.

"I need to talk to you," Skipper said.

Private prepared for the worst. He preempted as he said, "Skippah, I know I messed up but this is really really hard and its just really unfair and-"

"This has nothing to do with  _that_  anymore," Skipper spoke. Private stopped instantly. "Today you just lost all your cahones. You didn't even try."

Private grew red in the face. He did not expect this type of conversation. "S-Skippah, I was just-"

"I'm disappointed in you Private...I am just so disappointed."

Private felt the sting in those words. "Skippah..."

"You just gave up in the face of trouble. That's not what I've been teaching you boys."

"I-...I-..." Private struggled as tears started to form in his eyes.

"I expected more out of you. And I better expect more out of you tomorrow."

With that, before Private could even respond, Skipper marched off into the HQ. Private stood there, shocked. Was he really that cowardly? That useless? He was only following Marlene's advice. And it seemed like good advice! What did he do wrong?

The young penguin walked out of the habitat. He let himself cry. He cried harder than he had in the past week. It blurred his mind and left him lightheaded. Nothing had any focus. His body was walking on its own without Private's command. He didn't care where he walked to or who saw. He just wanted to be alone and cry to himself.

Unfortunately, that pleasure did not last very long. "Private! There you are," Kowalski greeted as he made his way up to his crying brother. His face was completely black with soot and dirt.

"Here I am..." Private shrugged unenthusiastically as he wiped his eyes.

"I missed having you around last night. I need a lab assistant and Rico is...well..."

On cue, Rico reeled in an entire fishing boat from New York Harbor. He frowned, shook his head, and threw it off into the distance as he scoffed at his poor findings.

"See what I mean? Private? Private, is something the matter?" Kowalski asked genuinely.

"I-It's nothing," he replied as he tried to quell his sobbing and rubbed his tear soaked face. "I'm fine, really." Kowalski knew he was lying, but he would be pressuring him if he continued asking about it. Not to mention, he had no idea how he could help. Private looked down, "I'd love to help, but I'm banned. Remembah?"

Kowalski smiled confidently as he wrapped a flipper around Private's back and walked with him, "That's why I'm working on it elsewhere. (Also, so Rico doesn't get a hold of it). Come on, Private, take a break. Time to clear your head, relax, not do any hard work...what do you say?"

Private hardly had a choice, "Okay, I'll help you K'walski."

"That's the spirit!"

* * *

Kowalski's makeshift repair shop was in one of the back corners of the zoo where no one would find it. Despite its inconvenience, Private honestly could not tell the difference between this and the real lab. Kowalski already had massive welding and fabrication equipment, as well as tons of wire weaving around the ground. There were various tables and chalkboards around as well. The buggy sat in the center propped up with a few bricks.

Kowalski breathed in and exhaled, "Ahhh, smell that WD40. Home away from home..."

"I don't know I'd call it that. Uhm, K'walski? Where did you get all these doodats?" he referred to the hulk of mangled machines on one of the tables.

"I built them from things I borrowed from Alice's office."

"Borrowed?"

"That's one word for them. Anyway," Kowalski said as he made his way over to the jeep, "The buggy appears to be experiencing abrupt failures resulting, from what I can only assume are faulty terminals."

"Uhm, translation?"

Kowalski rolled his eyes and spoke with a cheesy tone, "The car stops when it shouldn't."

"Oh...Do you think I could maybe work under the car with you?"

The analyst was deadpanned, "Why on earth would you do that?"

"I just want to help's all."

"No." Kowalski began to walk to his table, speaking as if Private could understand, "So, what probably is occurring is a short-circuit within the battery, thus draining the power. OR it could be the transmission..."

With his back turned and rambling nonsense, Private lay on his back and rolled towards the pink buggy. The previous experiences from the day were not helping. Maybe he could figure it out. How hard could car repairs be, right? Maybe he could do something right today for a change.

"...Which could mean a full gear replacement and- _PRIVATE!_ " Kowalski shrieked in high-pitched terror. Before the young penguin could even inspect under the hood, Kowalski dived after him and pulled him out from under the car.

"DO NOT go underneath the car without my permission as the delicate nature of that vehicle is hanging by a single nuclear charged thread that could lead to utter catastrophe!"

"I'm sorry K'walski, I didn't mean to get in the way."

"More along the lines of almost causing a cataclysmic explosion and leveling half of New York, but sure, 'getting in the way' is fine," he muttered in a passive aggressive tone. The scientist then took Private's place underneath the pink buggy.

"S-Sorry..." Private muttered.

After a few minutes of retrieving tools and receiving convoluted lectures, Private felt that the mood in the makeshift lab had gone down a notch. He asked genuinely, "K'walski, why is putting me through this all?"

"Well," Kowalski started, trying to conjure up an answer and put it delicately for Private, "Uhm, I think Skipper is just very upset about what happened on our mission. Personally, I think Skipper is just trying to face his own shame for losing to Blowhole  _and_  Hans, which has never happened-oh if you could just pass me the flex-ontrometer."

Private looked strangely at the combobulated masses of metal and technology on the small table. He grabbed the nearest thing and slid it to Kowalski.

"No, no, no! This is the flytometricmatrix! It's next to the angular referendum modulator."

"Uhm..."

Kowalski's tone dumbed down as he remembered who he was talking to, "The squiggly one with the bright lights."

"Ah," Private briefly replied as he fetched the whatever-it's-called. "But what does that have to do with me?"

Kowalski spoke over the clanking of his socket wrench, "To be fair to Skipper, you are still very, uhm, how should I put this...?"

"Stupid..."

"No, no, no-well...I'd say 'naive'...if that makes sense. I guess he thinks all this will toughen you up."

"But this is crazy! Can't you tell him that K'walski? He'll listen to you!"

The analyst climbed out from under the buggy, "I-uh-I'm not sure I would-"

"Please?"

"I'm not the best negotiator. And I think it would be best if you went to talk to Skipper."

"I tried, K'walski! But he won't listen to me!"

Kowalski tried to act like the conversation was less important than how it was to Private. He began fiddling with the machines on his table, "Well who said he'd listen to me?"

"Please, K'walski."

It got to the point where Kowalski just began taking out wires and putting them right back in just to seem busy, "Well...I'm...not really keen on arguing with Skipper, I mean he just wouldn't-"

"K'walski..." Private muttered, feeling a little betrayed by his brother's unwillingness to help.

"Skipper's judgement usually works out in the end."

"Is that it...? Are you calling me...naive...?"

"Well, in retrospect that may not have been the best word," the scientist tried to chuckle off.

"K'walski..."

The penguin shrugged. He turned, struggling to say what he wanted, "Private, maybe this isn't that bad? Maybe you're just overreacting."

"You think he's right, don't you!" Private accused, tears welling in his eyes.

"Who, what, me?  _Aha_ -no, no, no, I never-uh-never said that," Kowalski weakly chuckled with a fake smile.

Private had no idea how to react.

Kowalski sighed, taking on a more serious tone, "Look, I'm just trying to help. I was being nice before, but...but maybe I was wrong. All that's happening is living at Marlene's and extra exercise."

"You weren't there today. Y-you didn't see-"

"Private. I love you; you're my brother. You want my advice? Deal with it...a-and get over yourself..." he turned back to his table, "Anyway, this will all be over before you know it."

Expecting an angry or disgruntled response, all he heard was the short  _clang_  of a wrench hitting the floor. Kowalski turned to see Private simply began walking away.

"Private...?"

He didn't say a word. He only looked straight ahead and tried to look stronger than he was, despite the tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

* * *

Marlene swam back and forth anxiously in her pool. She paced around anxiously as she waited. Finally Private came sulking towards her habitat. His head was drooped low and he was doing his best Quasimodo impersonation.

"Hey," Marlene called softly.

"Hey..." Private responded drearily. He made his way over the fence and stood at the edge of her pool. Without any hesitation, he fell forward into the water, floating on his stomach with his head in the water.

"You feeling okay?"

With his head still in the water, Private shook his head.

"That bad, huh?"

He nodded.

"Are you just gonna float there?"

Private rolled onto his back, "I-if it's okay with you, I'm just gonna lay here and die."

"M'kay," Marlene responded, unphased.

As Private slowly drifted further away, Marlene sighed. She floated on her back up next to him. They were inches away from each other, just staring at the sky overhead. The sun was setting off in the distance and the clouds were offset with bright arrays of purple and red.

Private wanted to say something. He hated feeling like this around her. It made him like less of a friend and more of a burden. He was just someone dropping his emotions off on her doorstep. He was not being someone she could be friends with...someone she could maybe like...

He glanced constantly between the sky and with Marlene. She never exchanged the glance, but he could tell she was noticing them out of the corner of her eye. What was she thinking? How did she feel? Did she simply think Private was just another kid? Was what Kowalski, and even Skipper, saying actually right?

Private cleared his throat, "Marlene-"

"Look, I-"

"Oh, sorry," they both exchanged at the same time. Marlene waited for Private to talk first, but unbeknownst to her he froze up. "Look, I know things can be a little hard, but don't listen to Skipper...Honestly...He's just...He can really hurt people without knowing it..."

"Yeah..." Private responded meekly. "Marlene...?"

"Hm?"

"I-I'm sorry fo-for," he gulped, "uuuuuhhhhmmm, for being so emotional and-"

"Oh stop," she smiled.

"-And for crying a lot-"

She started giggling, which soon became full-out laughing.

Private froze, his cheeks turning bright red. "D-...Did I say something?"

Unable to talk through her laughter, she could only shake her head  _no_.

After some settling down, Marlene said through her laughing, "After all this- _hehahha_ -You're worried about  _THATahahah!"_

"I-is that bad?"

Marlene replied, still recovering, "No, it's,  _aha_ , I don't know. It's something  _you_  would say, that's all. Don't worry, I'm not making fun of you."

"Okay...thanks. I'm just... I'm really stressed and Skippah's ashamed of me and now K'walski agrees with him and everyone keeps looking at me funny and everyone th- _knows_  I'm a baby and-"

"Private."

The penguin turned and looked at her. His breath was quick and he had not realized he was already crying.

"It's okay. Really. I know you have a lot going on."

He smiled.

"Come on, let's go," she swam towards the edge of her habitat.

"Wot?"

"Come on slowpoke, let's go."

"Where are we going?" he asked as he swam towards her.

"Nowhere special..." she hinted as she slipped through the fence bars.

Private, feeling unsure yet at the same time dangerously enthralled and excited, quickly followed after the otter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just go this one out. Almost all of this was typed in one night. Why do I keep pulling such late-nighters? And yes, I will eventually show what Private did wrong; give me time.
> 
> Let me know what you think so far and as always, thanks for reading!


	4. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wrong.
> 
> I was originally going to make this a Prilene exclusive story. But there is now so much more to this I have planned out. I finally figured out how this is going to go.

 

* * *

"Come on! Come on, let's go!" Marlene called to Private as he awkwardly clamored out of her habitat.

"You still nevah told me, where are we going?" Private was shuddering anxiously. Rarely did he ever leave the zoo without the approval of Skipper. When he did, it often resulted in a serious scolding or lead to another of the group's misadventures. "M-Maybe I should ask Skippah first?"

"Really? And what do you think he would say?"

No, obviously. Private knew that Skipper, especially now, would never let him out alone for any reason. He would most likely scold him or give a new, harsh form of torment. Even worse, Marlene get involved again and make an even bigger mess, both for his fleeting self-consciousness and resulting punishment.

Then again, He had yet to go against Skipper like this. This was a complete disregard for discipline. Not to mention, the last he time he disregarded an order, he ended up in this very situation. This was dirty, this was sneaky, and this was vile.

Yet Marlene's smile beckoned him on. It drew him him further and further from her habitat, until he found himself far outside of the zoo, reluctantly following the girl of his dreams. "I-I shouldn't be doing this!" he called to her with a wavering, hesitant voice. "T-This isn't right!"

"Do you want to go back?"

The little penguin stopped and turned back towards the zoo. Everything was quiet. There was no sign or Skipper, or Kowalski; no midnight alarms or surprise ambushes. Save for the echoing from New York, Central Park was completely silent. For once, he felt free.

He smiled, and sprinted off; catching up to Marlene and dragging her by the hand. "Wait, wait, where are we going?" Marlene asked amidst their break-out.

"I don't know!" Private answered back, more excited by the prospect of leaving than any set destination.

"Well, what's the one place you've always wanted to go that Skipper would never let you?"

* * *

"Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will sooner  
transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the-"

Marlene regretted her decision as she lay on her stomach in a state of perpetual boredom in the lofty rafters in the community theater. The second Private mentioned Shakespeare, she knew that this she would get stuck with this outcome. Private had explained the synopsis of Hamlet on the way here, which seemed to make up for the boredom associated with such a playwright. A king, murdered by his brother, returns as a ghost to tell his son to kill his uncle. The son sets out on a path of revenge to win back his family and kingdom while trying to keep it a secret from his uncle. This seemed like an excited plot and the little penguin was actually enthralled by his own description. His enthusiasm made Marlene enthusiastic as well.

"THAT'S IT! I can't take any more of this drivel!" Private exclaimed as he shot from his seat and left the theater.

Marlene was snapped out her bored trance. The entire play, Private had sat in a perpetual state of silence, barely saying a word to the otter girl. However, this outburst was sudden. Marlene had never seen such fury come out of the little penguin before now. She followed after him down the rafters and left out an alleyway in the back of the cramped building.

"NO, NO, NO! That's not how any of that was supposed to go! Have they even _read_ Shakespeare before?! Ophelia shouldn't be smiling like an oaf the whole time!"

"Hey, hey. Calm down," Marlene grudgingly said as she wrapped her arm around Private.

"That whole scene! THAT WHOLE PLAY! There has not been one moment where they did what Shakespeare intentioned!"

"Which is...?"

"Every instance Hamlet should be angry, they make him happy! It's painful! They're never supposed to say that Hamlet and Ophelia are a couple! That scene is supposed to be him telling her off! Telling her to leave him alone!"

"Is it that important?"

"YES! It's the whole play! But these actors wouldn't understand the first thing about drama! But no, NO, they couldn't even read the bloody script! Of course, the one night I think I get to leave, nothing goes right anyway! I was supposed to 'have fun' and I can't even do that right!" Private breathed heavily after such a rant. He became aware of Marlene's affection and forced himself away from her. "I, uhm, oh dear. Marlene I am so sorry. I don't know what got into me." He was disgusted with himself over how much attention he needed and how for the past week he appeared a fragile little child who could barely hold any of their emotions. There were reluctant tears in his eyes. _"Already?! Oh please, no, don't cry in front of her please!"_

Marlene, however, forced herself to hang on every word. Not once did he illicit any sort of happiness or even act cheerful. She was getting sick of waiting for him. Though, this was at least a little bit of a surprise. She had never seen him so worked up before. It was interesting. "Private, when was the last time you opened up like this?"

Private wiped his eyes quickly, "O-open up, w-wot do you mean? I didn't open up, I'm just...upset...over Shakespeare's murder."

"I think you just did. Is it like this all the time?"

"Getting angry?"

"Nothing going right. You just sort of threw it out there."

"Uhmm..."

"Hmm mhmm." Private shifted his gaze downward in discomfort. "Okay, I'll stop. Therapist Marlene off. No more."

"Thanks. S-sorry."

"Don't be. I'm just glad you got angry for once," Marlene said as she smiled lightly

"Wot's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, I just thought you were different."

Private scoffed lightly as his head still hung down. He had heard enough drivel about him and his state. "Childish?" Private answered for her. "Stupid? Naive?"

"Boring."

"Boring?!" Private exclaimed. This was the first time anyone had said anything like that to him. Usually he was characterized by the usual traits. But boring was one that never crossed his mind.

"You know. You always seem happy no matter what. Just all about lunacorns and, uhh...That's it. You always seemed like a one trick pony...-Penguin."

"Oh. Oh...Sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" Marlene teased. "I hate that word. Private, you don't have to be sorry for getting angry. I think it's interesting. Really, I do."

"T-thanks..." Private replied awkwardly as he shifted back to watching the horrendous performance.

The two stood in silence before Marlene started to walk towards where the alleyway poured onto the New York sidewalk.

"Where are you going?" Private called after her.

"Back home."

A sudden nervous excitement rushed through Private. All he had done tonight was complain, cry, and drag Marlene to a dismal play. This was more embarrassing than anything Skipper had put him through. "But why?!"

"It's getting late. Don't you have to be up early tomorrow?"

"Marlene: What is the one thing you always wanted to do?" he rushed after her, grabbing her paws and forcing her to face him.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, there has to be something you've wanted."

She was flattered but replied, "It's 9:30. We should go home."

"Come on, Marlene. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

The otter gave it some thought before saying, "Whatever I wanted, huh? Okay. I've always wanted to see the city from the Statue of Liberty, but I don't think that's gonna-"

Private's smile returned tenfold as he started skipping away without her. He turned around and motioned her to come with him. "Come on! Come on, let's go! Let's go right now!" he said excitedly while he bounced up and down.

"Alright, alright, if it will make you shut up."

* * *

The voyage had involved a rather tremendous walk through New York. At the docks to the Hudson River, Marlene nagged on how they could possibly reach the Statue. Private, still wrapped in his feigned excitement, quickly shouted, "Race you there!", and leaped into the water. The final trek required climbing up the interior of the Statue of Liberty until they finally arrived at the torch. Private held his flippers over Marlene's eyes. "Are you ready? Are you ready? Keep em closed! Are you ready?"

"Private, just open my eyes already."

"OPEN!"

The bright lights and colors appeared all at once. The 'City That Never Sleeps' cut through the black night sky and jutted out sharply from the Hudson. The OWTC building jutted out in front, with its spire blazed in yellow light. Off in the distance, the Empire State Building stood as a lone beacon for the other side of the city. The whole of New York leaped onto the Hudson and crept all the way up to the Statue.

"Wow...Just...Wow..." Marlene uttered in disbelief. Private was equally amazed. His eyes grew wide as he absorbed the dazzling sights of New York's night life. They stood together in awe, captivated, until Marlene finally moved to sit down. Private sat next to her.

"I never thought I'd actually get up here," Marlene muttered to no one in particular, "No matter how much I begged, I always just got a big fat 'No!' 'That's too _girly_.' 'We don't have time for that.' 'Let's do something else.' I'm just surprised I finally got my way for once." Private was leaning over, diverting all of his attention from the cityscape and focused it on the otter girl. "Sorry, I was just mumbling."

"Who do you mean?"

"No one, just, don't worry about it. It was a long time ago."

"Oh, um...okay..."

"Don't ask about it, please."

"I won't."

Marlene persisted, "Like, don't mention a word about it."

"Okay."

"I'm serious!"

"I know."

"...Okay, I'll tell you. I used to date this guy a while back."

"Do tell."

"He was a total dick, just throwing it out there. Everything was about him or how much _I_ meant to _him_. Ugh, it was awful."

"Why did you start dating him?"

"I don't know...I'm still trying to figure that out."

There was a brief silence before Private hesitantly asked, "Was it Julian?"

"What?!"

"It was Julian, wasn't it?"

"No, NO! Not him! I wouldn't worry about it. Ugh! UGHH! Why'd I even bring it up? Look I shouldn't even be talking about it, it's rude. You talk about something else, please."

"Now who's the one opening up?" Private mocked.

"Haha. Just drop it! Please!" Marlene pleaded through her flattered laughter.

They sat in silence after that, noting how the moon bounced and reflected off the bright New York skyline. Marlene was not sure how long they sat in silence, just gazing at the city. The moon had moved a significant amount at the very least. Private was starting to get anxious and was no longer mesmerized by the view. He shifted around uncomfortably, looking for any indicator of the time. "You alright, there?" Marlene asked.

Private chuckled a liar's laugh, "Nothing! I'm, uh, just a _little_ bit nervous a-about tomorrow."

"Uh-huh."

"It's getting really late and we should probably-"

"It was your idea," she said plainly.

"I-It, oh yes it was. But I mean it's just a little too close to getting a bit too late for me, kind of."

"You're really afraid of him, aren't you?"

"Wo-who?! Skippah?! Ha! Haha. Hehe. Ha..."

Marlene's face was a response on its own. Private relented, "He's really strict and I'm a little scared. Today, he...he said he was disappointed in me. He's never said that to me before in his life."

"Why do you put up with him?"

"I love him. He's family. He's our leader. I, I even feel bad just being out here."

"Even after all of this."

Private sat upright, slightly guilty, "Oh of course, yeah, of course. Skippah is just going through some stuff as well."

"And that's an excuse to beat you up?"

"Well he doesn't _really_ beat me up."

Marlene probed, "So why has he been treating you so horrible? I don't care what the reason is; he has no excuse to treat you like that!"

"Well K'walski said he's real ashamed of losing and that, I guess, training me might help."

"Oh..." Marlene replied curiously. She leaned back as she had a moment of clarity. "Oh I see..." She had to turn away to hide her smile from Private.

Marlene finally stood up and stretched, "Well, I think it's time to head back."

"Oh thank you!" Private cried out and he already began sprinting into the Statue of Liberty and climbing back down. Marlene took a moment to think about what the little penguin had just told her before joining him.

* * *

They slowly crawled into the zoo, groggy and exhausted. The clock mockingly read 2:30, far later than either had anticipated. Marlene's face rested heavily, but paled in comparison to Private's, which looked as though several years had been dumped onto it. The vigor and excitement from earlier had already gone to rest. Hardly a word was spoken until they reached the insides of Marlene's habitat.

They split from each other's side once inside. Private mumbled something to the otter as he made his way towards his bed. Marlene lingered, fixated on her various fingerpaintings along the walls of her cave. "Private," she spoke, breaking the silence. "I just wanted to say thank you," she turned to face him. "I've just been stuck in this cave for what seems like forever. I needed this."

He smiled back beneath hazed, bloodshot eyes. He was not expected the subsequent hug Marlene gave him. He slowly wrapped her flippers around her as he stood in shock. _"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my_ _gosh-._ " This was more genuine than any prior. Private did not feel like he was being awarded any pity or that she felt sorry for him. This truly meant something to her.

Marlene let go, smiled, wished him goodnight, and went to her bed. Private stood there in a state of perpetual shock, still thinking about what just occurred. He slowly shifted his way back into bed in uneasy, dazed movements. As he lay, a big smile spread across his beak. It took another hour for his fluttering heart to calm down and allow him to fall asleep.

* * *

The alarm clock screamed and jolted the three penguins awake. The penguins, well rested, scrambled topside and were more than prepared to start the day. Though training ground to a halt within seconds. Kowalski and Rico stood at attention as Skipper paced back and forth muttering to himself. The analyst looked at Rico, who was rather preoccupied hanging his head back and stealing a few extra minutes of sleep. Kowalski almost interjected to say something to Skipper. But the leader's anger was clearly putting him on edge.

"Where on the east side of the Mississippi is he?!" Skipper finally shouted in an outburst. Kowalski winced while Rico just aimlessly stared upwards, drooling.

"Skipper, are you alri-"

"What in the sweet name of San Francisco am I doing wrong, Kowalski? Why can't I just get that boy to do one thing right?"

"Maybe too much negative coercion is taking a toll on poor Private. Would you keep coming back if you would just be yelled at everyday?" Kowalski challenged.

"Aww! Ohh! 'Poor Private!'" Skipper mocked before shifted back to his stern tone, "Boo-hoo! I think we've done too much to 'Poor Private' already. All we've done is baby him and coddle him for years-"

"Most of that done by you."

"- _WE_ have made him worse off. Oh, but I'm the bad guy for trying to make him into a man." Amidst all this fuss, Rico finally awoke and wiped the drool off his beak.

Kowalski sidestepped away from the demolitionist before asking, "And kind of 'man' would you have in mind?"

"The man's man, Kowalski. The kind this great country was founded on. The kind that grit their teeth and rough things out. The kind that don't complain, or whine, or BS. The kind that roll up their sleeves-" Kowalski opened his beak to object but was silenced by Skipper adding, "-Figuratively...and get things done. Boys, I'll miss him, but the old Private needs to go. He's getting too old for lunacorns and sissy shi-"

"WHILE I agree with you," Kowalski interjected, "that Private does need to start learning how to grow up, I don't think beating him up everyday without any kindness is going to work."

"Kowalski, we're animals. It's what we do. That's how I was taught, that's how Rico was taught-" On cue, the aforementioned penguin began hacking and coughing violently until out spat an egg which cracked and released a sparrow, which immediately began attacking the penguin. "...Maybe not so much Rico. But still, Private needs to learn to be able to tackle things head on...with his head."

Kowalski replied, "That's just going to drive him further away. What he needs is a strong mentor figure to help guide him through this difficult and strange time in his life."

"So he needs to be lectured to and patted on the back?"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"Oh you might as well be. That's what it will turn into. You're good at many things, Kowalski, but being sentimental is not one of them. I may not be the best teacher but at least its something in the right direction. If you want to coddle him, fine, just don't let it interfere with me. And while we're still talking about him, where the heck is Private?!"

* * *

Private did not stir until nine-thirty. He rubbed his still weary eyes and rolled over in his bed. Marlene was still as a stone. She was hunched uncomfortably on her stony bed with one arm pressed in the air and was snoring rather loudly. Private slowly drifted his gaze towards the fingerpaintings on the walls. He thought it very quaint that this was Marlene's version of a journal. It seemed as though every major event from the past year had a place somewhere on her walls. There was the whole of New York's skyline outlined along the ground with everything else polluting the space above it. The other animals were smeared with stick-like arms and legs. Private frowned when he once again saw his rather round figure. There was a rendition of mooncat's spacecraft, Becky and Stacy, and playing hockey for the sake of the zoo.

However, Private was rather caught by surprise when he saw a poorly drawn Statue of Liberty. At the crest of the torch was Marlene with a rather round looking Private. Marlene and the statue were well matted into the wall and looked fairly old. However, the miniature Private was a wash of older paint with splotches of considerably newer black paint. That seemed the most strange. _"How could she have painted me so quickly?"_ Did she really stay up until four in the morning to paint? Private thought that was ridiculous. How could she have known they would go up to the Statue of Liberty together? This could only mean that...she painted that a few days ago. She went out of her way to include Private in her romantic fantasies about her perfect date. _"D-...Does she like me?"_

Then the zoo's bell rang to the stroke of ten.

_"Oh dear..."_

* * *

The little penguin sprinted across the zoo. He came to a heavy and dreary stop at the foot of an expectant Skipper. Private winced in an advance and struggled to speak. "S-Sorry, Skipper," he huffed out, exhausted and tired. "I, was...out, last night,-"

"Private..." Skipper said sternly. The young penguin stood at nervous attention. His form was perfect, though his eyes slacked and showed a residual fear of his leader. He quelled with anxious terror.

"What did I say yesterday?"

Private's eyes darted around, searching for an answer. "T-That I need to give you another lap?"

"I'm disappointed in you. I thought that meant something to you. I guess not. Private, you don't have any respect-"

"I do!"

" _ANY_ respect. You can't even show up on time. All you've done is show me that nothing sticks with you. You can't learn anything. Maybe I'm too hard on you or maybe I'm not hard enough."

Skipper's aimless monologue was cut short as the gates opened. Skipper snapped out of his pointless train of thought and sternly said, "We're not done today."

Private dropped his shoulders in wearied pain. He knew what this meant.

Unfortunately for him, the hours fell off in an instant and the zoo finally closed. Skipper was all to eager to get started.

* * *

Private dragged his feet into Marlene's habitat. His flippers were bloodied and his back stabbed him with every step. The mere act of walking was excruciating. The copper taste of blood seeped into his gums and lingered long after his cuts stopped bleeding.

As he hopped from the fence onto the landing in front of Marlene's cave, he looked down at his reflection in the water. The cuts on his flippers with hard to distinguish, but the blood glared out. His face was a ruin of sweat and exhaustion. He sighed as tears forced themselves forward. The last thing he would want is for Marlene to notice and to warrant any more of her pity. He closed his eyes and fell forward into the water. After a quick, and much needed, swim he leaped out and made his way into Marlene's cave.

The otter girl lay alongside the wall with dyed paws. A small try of twelve colors of paint sat adjacent to her. She was already fast at work in recreating the events of last night. "Hey!" Private called out to her. He realized he said that with way too much excitement and two octaves higher than socially acceptable.

"Hey yourself! How are you feeling?"

Private shrugged indecisively as he waddled over to her. Marlene finally got a closer look at Private, "Oh my gosh! You look terrible."

Private winced, "I know. B-But, anyway, how is your, uhm-..."

"Would you like to join me?"

"Oh I-Don't-Yes-Very-Much-Thank-You." Private plopped down next to the otter. She was in the midst of drawing the theater. A very angry looking Private was already drawn with raised flippers and angry eyes, along with the players acting out Hamlet. Marlene's drawing was still more respectable to Shakespeare than the actors, Private thought. He grew playfully enraged when he saw himself. "Wot?! I-I'm not fat!" he dejected.

Marlene smiled, "I don't know, you're at least a little plump."

"But I'm not _that_ fat!" He dipped his flipper into the gray paint and began shaping his sides.

"What are you doing?!"

"Grey is the same colour as the wall, I'm just fixing it." The wet black paint mixed horrible with the gray to make an uneven mess. "See, it blends."

"Oh no, no, no, this is my wall," Marlene jeered as she took the black paint and enlarged Private threefold.

"Wot are you doing?!" Private shouted as he pushed her out of the way to thin himself out again. The two pushed and shoved each other having at the ruined picture of Private. "Well two can play at this game!" Private dipped his flipped into the brown paint.

"Oh don't you dare!" Marlene challenged with wagging fingers.

Private held his flipper closer and closer to the wall, turning back and forth between it and Marlene. "Don't!" He nodded his head furiously. Then Private did the unthinkable. He swirled his flipper around to make a brown blob absolutely massive in size. The weight and girth of said circle was comparable to a semi-truck carrying crates of overly obese cats. It visually had a gravitational pull that seemed to yank in all of the other paintings of the wall. Such gargantuan size was only bested by Lady Liberty, who still seemed on the slim side in comparison.

At that, Marlene pounced on him and paint spewed everywhere. She tackled him to the ground, playfully smacking him as paint smeared them both. Private winced and grabbed for his back.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yes, my back is just really hurting me."

Marlene took the opportunity to grab a handful of red and have at the unsuspecting penguin, who shrieked and returned fire with volleys of blues and yellows. They completely coated each other and the floor in wet paint. When the laughter and warfare subsided, they both inspected their disaster. "We're really going to have to clean this up."

"Hm-hmm," Private agreed.

"Tomorrow," they both said in unison.

Marlene made an effort to gather her painting supplies together as Private took a quick dive in the pool to rub off the paint. Marlene did not even try to clear her fur as she slumped into bed.

She was fast asleep by the time Private returned. "Goodnight," Private whispered to her as he relaxed in his bed and let his mind be at ease.

* * *

"Psst... _psst!"_

Private groggily turned over, before having his beak covered by a black flipper. Once the initial fear had subsided, Private replied, "Oh, hello Rico."

Rico moved his flipper to his beak.

" _Oh, okay. Wot's up?_ " Private whispered.

Rico shifted his head around and started motioning towards the exit of Marlene's cave. "Com' Ow'" he hinted again.

 _"Oh, uhm, okay,"_ Private nervously whispered. For all Private knew, Rico was still angry at him, sharing the same stern disapproval as Skipper. The little penguin cautiously followed him out of Marlene's habitat, his expectations far beyond whatever the enigmatic penguin had in mind for him.


	5. A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

Rico had led Private through the sewers away from Central Park. Private had stayed mostly quiet, curious as to where Rico was taking him. Last night, he had felt apprehensive at the very mention of leaving the zoo, as though Skipper would somehow find out and have another reason to be angry. Yet, with Rico leading him, Private felt more excited than nervous. He knew that the older penguin was much more lax on following the rules than the other two. He would never tell Skipper and even if their leader found out, Private already had a valid excuse.

Finally, Rico stopped them at an unsuspecting ladder leading to the surface. They arrived at an alleyway not too far from downtown. Private only noticed the pulsating music and bass coming from the building next to them.

"Rico, where are we?"

Rico finally spoke, though heavily grumbled, "Ehh, thi' ith moh' foh' me thayn foh' ywo. But ywo loo' li'e ywo coul' u'e a brea' too. If ywo wanna 'ho ba'k, tha's fiyn."

Private stood with his mouth partially agape. This was the most he heard Rico talk at once uninterrupted before. Private had counted: three whole sentences! Not to mention, Rico usually never talked like this. He spoke, aside from the grunting, normally. He didn't overreact or mumble about nonsense that only he found relevant. Even more than that...he spoke to Private like he was an adult. It felt real.

"Ywo comin' orwh wha'?"

Private wordlessly nodded, beak still hanging open. Rico smirked and motioned him to follow close behind. At the end of the alleyway, stood a long line of various animals. Most were smaller dogs and cats, obviously pets out while their owners were busy off somewhere else in the city. Though there were some from Central Park that Private recognized. Namely, Fred the squirrel was standing in the middle of the line. He saw the two and monotonely waved, "Hey Private, Rico. What are you guys doing here?"

"I don't really know myself," Private joked.

"Oh, well this is a really long line. You should have come an hour ago-"

"Is that Rico?! Man, it's been way too long!" the pitbull guarding the entrance exclaimed.

Rico grinned and winked at the man as they exchanged a brief handshake. The bouncer smacked his back and said, "No charge for such a party animal...and your friend. And Rico, try not to leave too much of a mess this time!"

Private anxiously followed the cool, calm Rico through the front door into the nightclub. "I'll see you inside, I guess," Fred called back from the line. The large hallway leading into the club was adorned with bright red and blue neon colored lights shining up along the walls. Private had hardly stepped inside as he felt his head already begin to spin. The lights bounced around his peripherals and blinded him when he focused on them.

The heavy bass was now shaking them and making Private feel uneasy. Just before they crossed through the knobless doors inside, Rico looked back at the nervous penguin and muttered, "Relaycks, 'Riv-ate." As he pushed open the doors, Private was hit with a wave of neon.

The smooth, pulsating guitar of Pink Floyd's "Astronomy Domine" met them as they walked into the joint. _Delila's_ was a nightclub in Harlem's known for its neon-drowned atmosphere and heavy music. Though, in the basement was a separate entity that was 'Animal's Only.' It's presence was only passed from word of mouth and, though only a few knew about it, the club was almost always packed...except for tonight, unfortunately.

To the left was a large open space reserved as the dance floor. On the right was an area only half the area, but had mirrors along the far wall which made it seem larger. It was inhabited by square cushions embedded beneath the floor. They were lowered at different depths for different sized animals. There were other couches and benches miscellaneously strewn about around and behind them. In the back parallel to the door was bar with numerous bottles behing it. In the middle was a silver bar and a set of small stairs on each side of it separating the two sections. Along the trims between the walls, ceilings, and floors, and from rotating spotlights in the ceiling, were lights of deep blues, reds, and neon purples coating the entire club. The tone was rather mellow and hardly anyone was in the dancing section while everyone lounged at the couches.

_"Lime and limpid green, a second scene, a fight between the blue you once knew."_

Private felt nauseous from the atmosphere of it all. He felt entrapped. He knew he should not be here. It felt ugly and he kept his flippers to himself. He saw that Rico, on the other hand, had relaxed his shoulders and had a slight grin on his face. He walked casually into the lounge area as though he had been there everyday of his life. Private tensely forced himself to relax as they walked further into the club.

At one of the couch sections was a raccoon in the middle of working a crowd around him with what seemed like a fantastic story. Yet, once he glanced their way, he stopped his colorful conversation and yelled, "Is that 'Madman Rico'?!" He leaped up from his seat and rushed to greet them, "Rico, how the hell is it going?" They then divulged into a series of high fives from all angles.

Private was puzzled at this; they, the penguins, only ever high fived like that to each other. To Private, it was something almost sacred to them alone.

"Ahh, jeez it's been, what? No no, don't tell me...six years and three months. Yeah, yeah there was that gig at Shenley. Oh my God, it's been way too long," he continued. "Ah what a party that was. Anyway, who's your friend? Babysitting your cousin's kid or something?"

"Excuse me," Private finally said, face red. They were the first words out of his mouth since he stepped through the doors to the shady nightclub.

"Sorry dude, I'm just kidding, come ooooooon. You're with Rico in his, uhh, team or whatever? I could never keep up with you guys. You got a name?"

The young penguin looked hesitantly at Rico. He peeked down and realized he had been holding his shoulder with his other flipper sheepishly and immediately dropped it. "It's Private."

"'Private'? Alright fine, a 'no thanks' would be cool too."

"N-No, just _Private_."

"O-OHHHH. Okay. Well don't feel too bad, at least its not as bad as 'Rigby.' No idea what my mother thought about that one. Must not have liked it either since she kicked me out with a shovel, crazy bi-ANYWAY! What brings you two down here? No offence, but you don't look like the party type."

Rico shrugged bashfully as he muttered something neither of them could understand. "Hehe, never change, man. Anyway, sorry kid, but you've been giving me the cold shoulder since you walked in."

"I-I don't know if that's how the saying goes-"

"But come on, relax. Enjoy yourself. And dude," Rigby leaned in and held his hand to his mouth, "It's an open bar." He leaned back out and continued aloud, "Anyway, have fun, go be somebody. And kid, you strike me as 'one of those people', but relax! It's Psychedelic Night! Nothing happens on Psychedelic Night! I got to catch up with Rico real quick, so..."

"Right..." Private muttered as we wandered away, losing himself in the crowd and the atmosphere.

Rico motioned towards him, worriedly explaining, "I 'otta..."

"He'll be fiiiiine. Once he gets out of eyesight, maybe start worrying."

Rico shook his head, then he turned back, "'ica-ellic Ni'yt?"

Rigby shifted around, "Yeah, yeah. It's new. I mean I don't care, I practically _live_ here, so I'd stay no matter what's going on. It's also non-smoking now."

"HGAGHHH" Rico groaned as he shifted his shoulders and let his head hang back in disgust.

"I know! I know! ...Well, 'non-smoking' except for..."

Rico grinned expectantly.

"DUDE! You gotta come to Palooza this year!"

"Eh..."

"Come on, it's a whole week now! Seven straight days of getting traaaaashed! Mordy's even flying in from LA!"

"Rea-y?!"

"Yeah! It'll be like old times! Rico...?!"

"Ewhh, I 'an't. Sowwy, but..."

"Well, hey, it's in two months. If you change your mind, just drop your head in. You-heh-you know how crazy those get!"

"Oh yeah..."

Meanwhile, once Private had left the two, he wandered around the space. There was a certain flow everyone else had that he could not match. He accidentally bumped into everyone he passed.

_"Floating down, the sound resounds, Around the icy waters underground."_

The music numbly drowned out the air, making it even harder to walk as Private felt himself stumble around. He tuned out the music when he heard a familiar voice call out, "Private! Hey Private!"

Sitting at one of the benches along the wall was none other than a rather unsuspecting lemur hidden behind neon reds and blues waving him over. "Maurice?!" Private called back, surprised yet grateful. "W-Wot are you doing here?!"

"You know how Julian is; sometimes all I need is a break. I didn't expect to find you here."

"Me neither," Private replied as he took a seat alongside him. He noted how Maurice had seemed to keep to himself as he reclined back against the ceramic wall with a small glass of some sort of drink.

"So what brings you to the craziest party place in New York? I never took for much of a party guy."

Private only pointed behind him at the older penguin still talking to Rigby, who was looking around and shifting back and forth. "Oh, that explains it. First time I've seen him here. What made him bring you?"

"I dunno, really. Rico said that this was for him but that I needed a break, which, I certainly feel like I do."

"Ain't that the truth," Maurice muttered as he took another sip from his drink. Private looked at him puzzled. Maurice continued, "Don't mind me saying, but you look like you've been having a rough time lately."

"Yeah..."

"If you want to talk about anything else, go ahead. Just trying to make conversation 's all."

Private juggled his flippers about, "I'm not even shore wot I'm doing wrong anymore. I-I mean, I know _why_ Skipper is punishing- _t-training_ me, but..."

"Okay, I still don't know what's going on, so you gotta fill us all in."

"I'd rather not talk about it...just something I messed up is all..."

"Okay...Well, anything else going on? You're always loud but I've never really seen you open up-"

"What the hell are doing being a wallflower?" Rigby called stumbling over. "Yo yo yo, hey Maurice!"

"Hi, Rigby..."

"Dude, Private, have you had anything at all tonight?"

"Any...thing?"

"Drinks, man!"

"Oh, uhm, maybe I could go for a water or-"

"Nah-nahnahnah, have you ever had, like, a _real_ drink?! You haven't?! Dude, just have some of mine!" he said holding out a glass of a deep brown liquid. "May be a bit strong for your first one, but you could do worst."

"Oh, t-thanks, but I-I-"

"' _I-uhm-er-uhh,'_ stop worrying. Dude just take a sip, it won't kill you. Hasn't killed me yet!"

Private, with shaking flippers, grabbed the drink. He looked back to Maurice who gave an unsure expression. The penguin looked back at the glass as the small ice cubes pounced around. He raised it and was stopped by, and relieved to hear, Rico who marched up angrily, "WOAH WOAH WOAH! Uh-uh!" He snatched the whiskey from Private and dumped it on the ground.

"Ahh, come on, I could have finished that!" Rigby groaned. Rico turned back and waved his flippers at him, rambling and somewhat screaming at him. "Rico-, stop-...Come on, if you weren't gonna let the kid drink, why even bring him?" Maurice just clung to the wall, watching from a distance and refusing to get involved. Private tried slowly stepping away but was grabbed by Rico and pushed towards the exit. "See you later, I guess! Jerk..."

Private writhed in his grasp but Rico did not let go until they were outside in the same alleyway. Fred had hardly moved in the line and simply commented, "Wow, that was fast." Rico marched back towards the manhole cover as Private clung alongside him. "Hey, I'll see you guys later then!"

"Rico! Rico, can you wait a second?!" Private called, somewhat angry in his own right.

Rico stopped at the entrance back into the sewers, breathing in the stingy New York air. "Sowwy."

"Sorry for wot? Rico? Wot was that back there?"

The older penguin shrugged, hanging himself lower than usual. He opened the hatch and fell inside. Private followed behind him and walked alongside him. "Rico?! Rico!"

"Jus' reali'yed why I sto'p'ed goiyn," Rico replied quietly as he kept walking.

"Which is?"

"I 'unno."

"Why did we even come out here?"

"I 'unno. Sowwy I dra'yed ywo ou' hewe."

Private cooled down and calmly spoke, "I-It's alright...Did you want to talk about anything?"

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh...Well, I, uh, I guess I should say thank you. F-Foh taking me out, I mean."

Rico shrugged, "Ahh, tha' playze sucks."

"Yeah...And, I, uhm, I kind of had fun."

Rico's shoulders dropped as he stopped his march back to the zoo. He stood stunned while Private continued on in front of him. He hardly believed someone like Private would enjoy a run-down dive like that, a place Rico had avoided for years. The young penguin was not simply lying to make Rico feel better, either. The atmosphere, the colorful crowd, and the sheer act of rebelling, doing what he knew he would never be allowed to do, was rather exciting. It was different from what he was used to.

"R-Rico, are you coming?"

The older penguin chuckled to himself in disbelief and walked with Private back to the zoo.

* * *

Waking up, Private felt a hollow grogginess nestled in his head. He had only slept for four hours. He winced as this thought crossed his mind. He knew it would make today unbearable and miserable, but he also felt embarrassed for himself. The night before, he only slept for a few scarce hours and he had promised himself to get a decent amount of sleep last night.

He rolled over on his rock bed and prepared to start the day. He knew, no matter what he did, Skipper would unleash another flurry of torture and stress. Private still did not understand why this was all happening. It felt surreal: living in Marlene's cave, the constant abuse for seemingly nothing, and being so close and yet so far away from Marlene.

He lied to himself again. He knew exactly why he was being bullied. The young penguin's face flushed red as he remembered how badly he failed the last mission for the rest of his team and his bed seemed to grow ten degrees hotter. In the back of his mind, he knew he deserved it, but he could not bear to face it.

* * *

"PRIVATE!"

"AHHH!" the penguin screamed as he flailed out of bed. He quickly looked around the blurry room as a quick rush of adrenaline flushed through his system. Marlene stood above him. "O-Ohh...Hey Marlene," Private half yawned. He spoke rather softly with a high pitch and his words were drunkenly elongated. "Good morning. How did you-..." he half finished as he hung his head back onto the rock slab. The exhaustion and tiredness brought out the sincerity in his voice. "Why did you have to scream?" he whined tiredly.

"Private, I've been trying to wake you up for the past ten minutes! It's already ten-thirty!"

"WOT?!" Private snapped out of his translucent state. Once again, he had slept long past he should. This was just after Skipper had told him how much of a disappointment he was. Now all he had done was prove it.

"M-Marlene, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't talk, just go!"

"Right-thanks!"

Private scurried quickly out of Marlene's cave. He sprinted at such speeds that, if Skipper was watching, he was sure that he would be impressed. He dove over the fence into the penguin habitat. "Skippah! Skippah, I'm here!" Private wheezed as his sprinting stopped on the iceberg. "Skippah...I'm...Skippah...?" Private looked around to realize he was the only one on the small iceberg. The other penguins were nowhere to be seen.

"I don't understand, no one's ever missed drills before. Where is everyone?" Private muttered to himself as he paced back and forth on the small, fake iceberg. "They couldn't have just left and not told me. They've never left without me! Oh dear, oh dear...Ma-aybe they're all inside and I'll just-" Private stopped himself as he came across the fishbowl covering the entrance to HQ.

He stared at it rather unsurely. How he missed his own bunk and the comforts of home. He wanted nothing more than to open the hatch and crawl back into bed. As he reached for it, he hesitated. What was he thinking? Skipper had strictly forbidden him from entering the HQ. Yet, it did not seem like the others were in the zoo at all. They would never notice him slipping in and out for an hour or two. This was a victimless crime for Private. On top of that, something pressed him on.

He felt something strange last night that he could not describe. He knew he disobeyed Skipper's orders again, which was not much different when he went out with Marlene. Yet, going with Rico was something entirely different. It was one of the worst things he thought he could do. Skipper would never have been furious if he ever found out, moreso than just him and Marlene going to the Statue of Liberty. And for Private, that made it feel so much more enjoyable. It was a sense of rebellion that rose up within him. He hated yet craved this feeling. It would be so satisfying to just open the hatch and waltz around inside. He even fancied the idea of drinking from Skipper's favorite mug.

Yet, he still hesitated. The other, more respectful side of him, could never stomach such a thing. He was still a soldier, and a penguin. He knew that orders were sacred in their own right. Who was he to disobey command, anyway?

With these two starkly different sides tugging at him, Private left the HQ. He did not want to stick around any longer and convince himself to do something he may regret.

 _"Well...I don't have to worry about Skipper...I have the whole day to myself..."_ He smiled at this conclusion, then quickly pondered, "S-so what do I do now?" He wanted to resign himself back to Marlene's habitat and spend the day with her. But he felt he would embarrass himself in front of her without some sort of help.

"Julian!" Private called out as he arrived at the lemur area.

"GAH! What is it with everyone and the screaming and the shouting? A-...Oh it is you. What do you want flippered birdie?" he replied. Julian lay atop his bamboo chair set all the way back. Maurice and Mort stood by fanning him with palm branches.

"I was wondering if I could get your help on something."

"No. Please be leaving. Can't you see I'm in the middle of my glorious kingly sunbathing?"

"Sorry Julian. It's-...it's just about this girl I like and-"

"What?! You didn't mention a pretty lady?!" He sat up, taking off his sunglasses. "Why didn't you say so?! Come come! Come tell your king! What is her name?"

Private spoke as he walked up towards Julian's chair, "Well, she's, uh... She's really special to me. And I just need some advice."

"OHHHH but you must tell me who this lucky female is! As your kingly king, I demand you tell me her name!"

"Well, it's uh," Private leaned over and silently mumbled "well, it's uh, arleneme" in pig latin.

Julian sat dumbfounded, "What? Who's arleneme?"

"You know! A-a-arleneme. Brown fur. Gorgeous eyes."

"Is she ugly?!"

"No!" he shouts nervously, feeling a little embarrassed. "Well she's an otter..." Julian looked at him with a dumbfounded grin, "Kind of the only otter here..."

"Ohh! I know just who you mean!"

Private anxiously blushed, "Really?"

"Yes... No... Alright, that doesn't matter. Tell me, what troubles you about this woman?"

Private replied, "Well, she, uh, I don't think she feels the same way about me. Or maybe she does. Or not. I don't really know what's going on anymore."

"So this lady, you are too scared to be asking her?"

"Basically," Private said while he slumped over.

"Well, let me tell you-!" Julian started as he wrapped his arm around Private's shoulder. Unbeknownst to them, Maurice was desperately trying to get Private's attention while also making a slicing motion against his neck with his hand. "What you need to do is - You need to be bold and you need to brave! You need to go up to her, with your shoulders at the highest raised and say 'WOMAN! I am the kingliest king and you should be mine!' And to-DANCE! More dancely than any one else because a king should always have the best moves." He grabbed Private's face, over exaggerating every movement, "And you need to get in her face, like this, and never break the eye contacts. And be the most colorfullest of all! It should make her sick at how beautiful and shiny you are to her! Do you understand?!"

"Y-Yes?"

"Now go!" Julian exclaimed, "Win the heart of Arleboblemopolis!"

Private stumbled away, blown away by the absolute stumping Julian had given him. It was magnificent to recall. It left Private dazed and barely able to walk. Yet, he was brought back to reality as Maurice met him, "Private! Private, whatever you do, don't listen to _anything_ Julian said. Trust me, it'll make you worse off."

Private now felt lost. "S-So what should I do?"

"Just take it easy! Let things happen naturally. If something happens, just let it happen. If you walked up to her and just started shouting things like that, you'll just creep her out. Heck, Julian creeps me out sometimes. Besides, Marlene seems really chill. Just take things slow."

Private winced, "H-How did you know I liked Marlene?"

"I mean the way you look at her, how nervous you get...Private, anyone with half a brain could see there's something going on between you two. Which, looking at everyone else here, means your secret's safe with me. I was actually trying to get you to admit that last night until Mr. Show-off showed up."

"Right..."

"And Private, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you'd have any trouble with Marlene liking you back," Maurice said quietly with a subtle wink.

Private felt his heart soar at this. Did she really like him too or was this just Maurice trying to make him feel better? Either way, the young penguin could not help but feel ecstatic. Then he felt himself sink again. "Then what do I do? I don't want to keep embarrassing myself in front of her and-"

"What you're doing is _fiiiine_. Stop looking too much into it. Just keep hanging out with her and it's bound to happen eventually. But if you want things to, you know...speed up a little, Julian's throwing a party tonight. You two should come. But 'party' is a strong word. It will just be us three...again..."

"Another party? Are you sure? I mean yesterday was just so-"

"Private, Private...A little party never killed nobody. But, hey that's up to you. Like I said, do what feels natural. I'll see you later."

"Thanks, Maurice...really..."

"Don't mention it," the aye-aye said as he left the penguin.

Private at once felt a new surge of confidence. For months, his feelings for Marlene could only be expressed in thoughts. He thought about her every day. He thought about the way she smiled and how warm he felt being around her. Though, he clung like a wallflower in the background. He knew there was no chance of someone like her liking someone like him. It seemed impossible for Marlene to feel the same way. Even after a few days ago when he became closer to her than ever before, he still felt so far away. After all, who was he even to even _try_ to win her over? He had not changed. He was not 'bold' or 'brave' like Julian said. He was not suave or romantic in any way that would not be embarrassing to anyone but himself. He was meek, childish, 'naive', _'boring'_...he was Private.

But now, Private felt ecstatic. He was overjoyed. Marlene felt _something_ for him the same way he for her. He had a chance. At that moment, all Private wanted to do was walk right up to her and tell her how she felt, about how he loved her from the day they met and had been a hopeless romantic in the back of his mind ever since. He wanted to shout and cream for joy.

Then he took a moment to clear his head. His joy was quickly overcome by another wave of depression. She like him...according to Maurice and Maurice alone. He knew how down Private had been lately. The penguin figured he had only said that to make him feel better. _"How do I manage to keep doing this to myself?"_ Skipper was not there and Private was still finding new ways to wallow in sadness and self-pity. It felt degrading.

It was still early. He could not stomach the idea of going back to Marlene's and expose himself to her an entire day. All he wanted was a momentary relief, something to ease his mind.

Private's feet moved on their own.

He blinked and was rather surprised at how quickly he arrived. He stood at the entrance to the alleyway leading to _Delila's_. He hardly realized where he was walking on the way there.

 _"What am I doing here?"_ he thought alarmingly to himself. It was impulse to come back, but Private could not see any reason why. Last night he felt disgusted and did not have any reason to spend anymore time there. So what drew him there?

Private shook his head and cleared his senses. This, coming _here_ was insane. There was nothing for him here. Private turned his back to the nightclub and returned to the sewers to make his way home.

_"Maybe another day..."_

* * *

Private had spent the remainder of the day taking an extended walk through Central Park. It gave him time to think and clear his head, though, once the sun began to set, he figured it was time to head home.

Private made his way back to the penguin habitat, though much slower than earlier. The other penguins were already waiting expectantly.

"S-Skippah! You're back! Where were you? I was waiting all day for you," Private said nervously, lying to seem modest and relieved for his commander's presence.

"Out," Skipper replied plainly.

"Out?"

"Out on a mission, to be more specific," Kowalski said before he encountered a subtly scowling glare from Skipper. "I-I mean, it's completely classified and we can't tell you anything hahaha-what-are-you-talking-about?"

Private did not register Kowalski's subtle hints to drop it. "W-Well you should have waited for me to join you. Skippah, I really want to prove myself next time! Really, a-and I think your, uhm, training is really starting to sink in and I really, really-"

"We did wait for you."

"Oh...I, uhm...at eight O'clock?"

Skipper sighed slowly beneath his breath, "Even if you were on time for once, I still would have made you sit this one out."

"W-Wot? Why?!"

"You know why."

"I don't really know if I do, Skippah."

"Sir."

"Wot?"

"That is 'Sir' to you."

Private stood in shambles. He felt Skipper was disowning him right then and there. He turned to Kowalski who was grimacing with his head turned to the ground. He swallowed hard as he faced his officer, "Is this a test, Ski-Sir?"

"No."

"Well...uhm...is this a punishment?"

"No. See you at 0800." Skipper abruptly brushed past Private towards the HQ without turning a glance towards the young soldier.

Still reeling from his rebellious spirit, Private quickly spoke, "If you're trying to make me feel like I'm not important, it's not working and you know it's not working!"

Skipper stopped and turned back. He glazed over Private with a relentless look of disappointment, "Private, we don't _need_ you on this team." He then faced forward, opened the hatch and slipped back inside HQ.

Private stood motionless before spinning back towards the other two penguins. Private was trying his hardest to hide his embarrassment, but he still quivered as tears rolled down his cheeks. Kowalski was still wincing, showing his empathy for the poor boy. Rico just looked on with a half-interest face. "Wot are you lot looking at, huh? Do you think I enjoy this?! And wot about you?!" Private said facing Rico, "Can't you say anything?!"

Rico shrugged lightly before following after Skipper. Private's shoulders dropped as another wave of unrelenting betrayal hit him. Rico had acted like nothing from the previous night had happened, as if they each just stayed home. He didn't show any empathy or care, just a cold look of disinterest.

Private plopped himself on the ground, wiping his eyes diligently, restraining himself from any sobbing or whimpering. "S-sorry about all that..." Private apologized behind him at Kowalski.

"Oh, uh, no apologies needed...If you don't mind I think I'll just go and join the others."

Private nodded slowly, keeping his head down. Kowalski prepared to leap down through the hatch but stopped himself. He closed his eyes as Private's sniffling was the only thing he could hear. He walked back to Private before nudging him, "Come on, I don't think we want to hang around here." The analyst led Private back to his makeshift lab in the corner of the zoo. "If you don't mind, I have some parts I need to grab anyway. Plus, I'd rather not mix words with Skipper right now."

Private stood by and figured he should try to speak first, "K'walski, where were you guys today?"

"We're not really allowed to sa-..." Kowalski had been digging through his tools, turning a blind eye to Private as he spoke. Yet, once he saw the poor boy, he froze and relented. "We were trying to track down what we lost from your-... _our_ last mission."

"And you went without me...?"

"Y-yes...Sorry, Private."

"Why?"

"Private, you were extremely apathetic these past few days and showed no care for what was happening with Skipper and-..." He sighed, trying to shorten his sentences, "Skipper didn't bring you because he didn't think you cared anymore."

Private opened his beak to speak but shut it again. He hid his watering eyes and replied with a wavering voice, "Why did you bring me here?"

"I-It's not to yell at you, if that's what your thinking," Kowalski chuckled aloud, yet quickly stopped when he saw Private was not joining him. "Private, I-I'm not really good at these, but I just want you to know that you _can_ talk to me. I don't know who else you're talking to but I am here for you."

Private hesitated before asking, "K'walski, what am I still doing wrong? I know that I messed up on the mission, but it seems like no matter what I do, good or bad, Skippah just yells at me."

Kowalski shifted around uncomfortably, trying to find the right words to use. "Private, how old are you?" Private was stunned and stammered trying to reply at the question. "I don't mean to sound rude at all, but you're too old to be acting the way you do. I mean with the lunacorns and always being so-...you know...n-not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just that...Private, you haven't changed all that much from last year or the year before. You should be growing up already. Heh, when I was your age, I already had my whole life under control and I was...just...much-much much much more mature than you...are now...Does that make sense?"

"So that's his excuse? So it's okay for Skippah to keep humiliating me? You said it yourself that I should just suck it up," Private said back in frustration.

Kowalski sighed, "Skipper and I don't really see eye to eye. I agree that you should start trying to act maturely. Growing up is hard and it's always a confusing time for everyone; which is why we're having this discussion. But I don't think he should be beating it into you."

"Then why did you tell me just to ' _deal with it'_? I don't understand."

"I told you, I'm not very good at this. What I meant was that you can't...hmm...Oh this is so difficult to describe...Private...Sometimes in life you'll be put into tough situations or in places where you feel trapped. Despite how hard it is or how badly it hurts, you can't keep complaining and trying to avoid it. Part of growing up is learning to just keep your head high and, well, uh, just power through it...I guess..."

"Right...S-Sorry..."

"For what, Private?" Kowalski chuckled, hardly believing Private could still be apologizing over...actually Kowalski had no idea what he was really sorry for.

"I don't know...I just feel sorry!"

"Private, you don't have to apologize around me. Really, it's alright, whatever _it_ is. Okay? You can talk to me about whatever you want and you don't have to feel bad about it."

"Okay...Uhm, Kowalski? Can I ask something else?"

"Of course."

"I've been having keeping track of time. I was late every day this week. I actually woke up at ten thirty this morning and I still feel awful. Is there any way you can help me with that?"

"Don't you have an alarm clock?"

"N-No..." Private lowered himself, now realizing the absurdity of his problem.

"It's always the little things," Kowalski muttered to no one in particular. "You've been so used to us setting the alarms and planning everything else. You need to start trying to take responsibility for yourself. Just start a little at a time. The first thing you should do is really look into getting an alarm clock. Then go from there."

"T-thanks...T-To be quite honest, K'walski, I don't get much sleep anymore. I-I don't mean I'm having trouble sleeping, it's just that I don't...get enough of it."

Kowalski gathered his tools in his flippers as he walked towards the young soldier. "No one does, Private. That's just part of getting older." The scientist made his way past Private, leaving him alone at the make-shift laboratory.

* * *

Private arrived back at Marlene's habitat. The otter in question was laying on her back on top of her cave. Private climbed up to meet her, "Hey Marlene."

"Private." He lay beside her as she continued, "So, another rough day?"

"Actually no. Skippah and the others weren't here today."

"Really?! So what did you do?"

"Nothing," Private said satisfyingly.

"Huh...Good! You deserve a day off. You could even go to bed early if you wanted."

"Right..." Private replied as he thought about Maurice and Kowalski's words. "Did you hear Julian is having another party tonight?"

"Oh yeah, that's right," Marlene rolled her eyes. "Never-mind; good luck getting any sleep at all."

"Wanna crash it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to publish. I've had this chapter actually done for the past two days but my wifi WOULD NOT save documents, so there was nothing I could do.
> 
> This chapter was starting to get too long, so I took the last third and made it into Chapter 6. That should be up sometime soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading this so far, this is one of my favorite things to write. Also, let me know how I am doing presenting Private. As the story continues, more focus will be faced on Private's feelings and the reasoning behind his decisions.


	6. Let's Be Drifters

"S-Skippah! I-I can explain!"

"I don't care! I can understand Ringtail ruining everyone's night with this garbage, but I thought you actually had some decency left!"

Up until this point, the night seemed to be going wonderfully. Granted, Marlene and Private were the only attendants besides the lemurs, but Private believed that his somewhat awkward charm was working. However, the party hardly lasted more than ten minutes before Skipper arrived.

Julian spoke, "Come on Skip-ah, we weren't even _that_ loud!" It was, in fact, the loudest they had been that month.

"Zip it furbrain!"

"What are even angry at him for? You don't care! You're not in charge of him!" Marlene said. Private cringed at Marlene rushing to his defense again.

"Well, technically, Skipper _is_ Private's commanding officer," Kowalski replied meekly.

"We can't have one stupid night of quiet in this Godforsaken hell-hole without these hippies over here ruining it for every-single-one of us, but now I have my own men joining in! I thought they would be courteous enough to think about everyone else's night!"

"Skippah...!"

"Private, how do you never cease to disappoint me?!"

Marlene ran at Skipper, giving him more than an earful. Yet Private ran off before he could hear either of them.

"This was so stupid," Private muttered repeatedly to himself as he trudged off with tears in his eyes. "Wot did I think was going to happen?!"

"Private..." Kowalski called as he ran towards him with Rico following close behind.

"I'm so stupid, I'm such an idiot!" Private continued, ignoring them.

"Private...!"

"Of course everything I do falls apart! Wot do I ever expect?! I should nevah have said anything!"

"Private!"

"WOT?!" he snapped as he turned around. "Wot am I supposed to be doing? It seems like I can't do anything without Skippah being angry with me!"

"I-I'm really sorry to hear that," Kowalski replied. Rico simply stood on the sidelines and watched.

"I'm done."

"Done? Private, what do you mean?"

"I'm just done. I'm going back to Marlene's. I'm sick of being embarrassed all the time. I'm sick of doing nothing right. I give up. I just want to go home." Private had began walking back to Marlene's, no longer trying to hide how hard he was crying.

"Private! Just talk to us, we're here for you."

"Are you really? You just let Skippah yell at me," he cried as he turned back to face them. "And wot about you Rico? Y-You didn't even look at me. I mean after last night, I-I don't understand!"

Rico shrugged nonchalantly. He walked past Private and headed home, leaving the poor boy devastated and feeling more alone.

"W-What did you two do last night...If I may ask?" Kowalski asked.

"Oh...he just talked to me -'s all," Private lied.

"Well Rico doesn't seem like a talkative person."

"Why do you care...?"

"I-I'm just wondering. It's just that Rico can be a bit out there at times. I don't know what advice he told you or if he said anything he shouldn't have."

" _Like you're fairing any better,"_ Private thought to himself. "Does it really matter? I just want things to go back to normal. I want Skippah to stop being so hard on me. I want to go back to _our_ home. I don't want to have to feel sad all the time."

"Maybe you should just prove him wrong."

"S-Skippah...? And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Just do what he says."

Private was exasperated, "But I've been doing that! Is that all the advice you have?!"

"I-I guess...?"

"K'walski, please! I don't want to keep doing the same thing every single day. I'm tired of being humiliated. Please."

"I don't know! ...I don't know Private. Just take some self-responsibility."

"You're not helping," Private muttered aloud.

"I'm sorry, Private...I-I can't do much else."

"You could talk to Skippah..."

"I-I can't do _that._ You know I can't do that. Besides, he wouldn't listen."

"S-So you're afraid of him?"

"No, no not at all, it's just...I-It's complicated."

"So I'm on my own...?"

"Private, I never said tha-"

"Can't you ever help anyone?"

"Private..."

The younger penguin turned away and began heading back to Marlene's. "P-Private! Come back here!" Kowalski called, his heart beating. He felt deeply embarrassed at how poorly his advice was for the young soldier. Though, he knew it was nothing compared to what Private must have felt.

* * *

"You seemed ready to leave in a hurry."

Marlene jumped slightly in surprise. She stopped walking and scowled at him, "What is wrong with you?"

"So I'm not allowed to talk to an old friend?" Skipper replied, flippers crossed. They were too far away to hear the actual music itself, but Julian ignored their warning and the pulsing bass still shook the air.

"We're not friends."

"That's not what you said when we broke up."

" _I_ broke up with _you_. And we're not anymore. Skipper, you are just way too controlling and angry and spiteful and just...mean."

"That's tall talk coming from you."

"At least I'm not taking out my problems on other people! I don't go around making everyone else's day worse just so I'm not the only one! I don't understand how anyone can stand you, let alone be friends with you." Marlene shouted.

Skipper's sarcastic grin faded, "Are you really? Are you sure? Because that sounds oddly familiar, like something else you said to me when we broke up."

"When _I_ broke up-"

"When _I_ broke up with _you_!" Skipper yelled. "At least I should have! There's not a day that I don't regret. You love being right, almost more than me. Because that's what Private is to you. He just makes you feel better about being right! Like he's some sort of living proof that _everything I do is unfair!_ And then you go and make him doubt himself even more."

"Is that what you think I'm doing...like I just have some scheme against you...Because everything is always about you?"

"Isn't it?"

She tried to speak but was left wordlessly watching as Skipper gloated. Marlene groaned in angry frustration as she stomped away.

Skipper chuckled slightly to himself as she walked away. Yet, the further she walked, the more alone he began to feel. His smile dropped as he was left feeling a sense of unfulfilled longing and discomfort.

* * *

Private sighed laying on his slate bed on his stomach. Marlene was still not back yet. He wanted to try to be asleep before she returned. He quickly heard footsteps entering the cave and assumed they were Marlene's.

"Ehyy."

Private craned his head back to see Rico leaning against the wall at the entrance to the cave. "Oh...h-hey...Rico...Unlesss you wanted to apologize, I'm not really in the mood right now...Sorry..." He leaned back into bed, pulling the sheet tighter over him.

"Ehh...You wa'-na..." Rico trailed off as he motioned outside with his head.

Private did not know what to expect. After the last night with Rico, Private figured he could be doing any sort of awful thing. It worried him. It worried him even more that Rico said absolutely nothing when Skipper crashed Julian's party, when he humiliated him. Rico just stood on the sidelines.

And yet there was some cardinal attraction to him, to the idea of acting out. Sure, Rico played it cool, when did he not?! Private, despite every part of his consciousness telling him not to, simply muttered, "...okay..."

For the second night in a row, Private found himself being lead around by a surprisingly calm psychopath. And he could not be any more thankful.

"So, where are we going this time?"

Rico shrugged passively as he kept walking through the zoo. Within a few minutes, they arrived at the management building. "This is Alice's office. Wot are we doing here?" The other penguin completely ignored him as he grappled up a drainage gutter to a window three feet off the ground. He opened it and stepped out onto Alice's desk, which was pressed against the windowsill and covered in sprawling papers.

Private soon followed him, now a little more excited, "S-So wot are we doing in here? Are we going to sabotage something, o-or do something really wild and crazy like you always do?"

" _Eyy-_ 'On't No," the older penguin shrugged, "-Ust' chil'?"

"Oh..." Private stopped. "So, just hanging out?"

"-Yea'! Wa' wron' 'ith -'at?" Rico garbled out as he kicked off the papers, scattering them across the ground.

"Oh, nothing! Nothing's wrong with it, I just...I don't know..."

Alice's desk was rather plain with a ten year old computer on the far right and a small TV resting on a DVD player, both on top of a filing cabinet pressed against the left side of it. Rico walked over and kicked the old machine to life. It churned to static before Rico gave it another hearty kick, switching it to "Input 1."

"So, we're just watching a movie?"

"Uh-huh."

"Is that it?"

"Yup."

Private shuffled around, "Oh...okay...Did you want to do anything else?"

"Nah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Private rubbed his flippers together, "Well, I mean, why not? I mean, we could..."

Rico shrugged his shoulders as he fiddled some more with setting up the TV until it finally hooked up to the player. Rico then upchucked a DVD. He held the case in front of Private expectantly, who focused his attention on the little _R_ rating on the corner.

"Oh, uh...I'm...uh..." Private stammered when presented with the movie. "Rico, I'm not allowed to watch this."

"S'o? I won' teyw," Rico chuckled.

"But, s-still, I..."

"Aw'ight, fine," Rico shrugged as he hacked up a lunacorns DVD. Private pretended to look relieved, yet inside he felt ashamed. After everything that happened over the past week and how everyone had looked down on him, it was insulting to him that _that_ was Rico's second pick for Private. Yet, Private still held his facade.

"Oh, thanks Rico. But, uh, c-could I see the other one? Just in case?"

_"Alright boys, movie night," Skipper announced a few hours ago, not long before the party started at Julian's._ _"I thought I'd let Rico pick for us tonight. Surprise me!"_

_Rico grinned as he upchucked "Killer Chainsaw Massacre 2, Electric Boogaloo of the Second Coming?! A healthy mix of stupid violence and outrageous nudity. Great job, Rico! You've really outdone yourself this time!"_

Private was handed the case and quickly glossed over it. It showed a rather ridiculously handsome actor sitting in the driver's seat of a car with neon blues and reds highlighting everything other than the title. " _Driver_?" Private read aloud. He flipped it over and read one of the quotes, "'A perfect blend of arthouse and action' - Rico, are you sure? I-I'm not complaining, but I was expecting something along the lines of, I don't know, s-something more explosion-y or violent-...y..."

Rico shrugged, "We'w, o'ay the'yn." He shook the lunacorns disc in front of him before moving to put it in the player. He was almost taunting him with it.

The older penguin was about to put the lunacorns DVD in when he was stopped. "WAIT!" Private yelled. Rico grinned slightly. Private meakly spoke, "C-Could we watch the other one?"

Rico pretended to act surprised. He broke the Lunacorns DVD in half and tossed it across the room. Rico put in Driver and plopped down right next to Private, staring at the screen expectantly.

"We don't have chairs or anything?"

"Nope."

Private sighed as lay resting on his flippers. "So, h-how is the movie?"

Rico shrugged, "Eh, i' o'ay."

* * *

_"That's Benicio's father," the blonde girl named Irene said to the cool, young blonde man in her kitchen after pointing at a picture. The man had just driven her and her son home after their car broke down._

_"Where is he?" the mechanic and stuntman by day, getaway driver by night asked._

_"In prison."_

_"Hmm."_

_"So what do you do?"_

_The man looked down at his glass of water before looking back at her, "I'm a Driver."_

Private could hardly believe what he was watching.

 _"This? This is what I've been missing? This is what rated R films are liked?!"_ he scoffed in his head. He felt bored. Aside from one non-violent car chase in the beginning, almost nothing had happened. No swearing, no ultra-violence like expected. It was simple.

Private turned briefly to look at Rico. To his surprise, Rico was transfixed on the screen. He soaked up everything happening. Even this boring seemingly-filler scene kept him enthralled. Private could not tell why.

* * *

_A few scenes later, Irene sat outside of her apartment as loud party music could be heard inside as her husband returned from jail. The Driver, her neighbor, came outside and saw her. "Sorry about the music," she said with a smile as she hid her tears._

_"I was just about to call the cops," he smiled back._

_Then, the door opened and her husband exited with her son. "So you're Irene's friend she's been talking about?" he said plainly._

"Are all rated R movies so boring?" Private asked.

He expected a slap or a scornful look from Rico. To his surprise, however, Rico simply said, "She'' ohn righ' si'e, they're on' lef'."

Private was confused by what he said. Then he noticed that Rico was right. As the camera cut back and forth, Irene always stayed on the right side of the screen against the wall, but the driver and the husband both stood in the left of their respective shots.

"Oh...I never would have noticed," Private replied with confused curiosity.

Rico smiled and leaned over, "No' tha' bad?"

Private crossed his flippers, but continued to watch. Why did that matter? Why did Rico notice something like that when even the movie probably had not? Then Private realized the simple visual metaphor: they were fighting for space. Yes, of course! It's such a simple stage direction. _"How could I have missed that?!"_ Private asked himself. Maybe there was something more to this movie. Rico seemed to be picking up a lot of little things that Private felt went right over his head. After Lunacorns and PG feel-good movies for most of his life, maybe Private just wasn't used to this kind of movie, whatever _this_ was.

* * *

_Her husband was dead. The Driver was being targeted by a mob boss. And on top of all that, Irene learned that her husband died while on a job that the Driver was the getaway for. She slapped him hard as he tried to explain himself. She left into the apartment elevator with him following close behind. They were lost for words._

"Oh, I can't stand it!" Private admitted aloud.

Rico rolled his eyes, "'ate i'?"

"NO! I love it! Oh the drama, the complexity, the subtleties in direction, how he loves her but accidentally gets her husband killed, oh it's like Hamlet! Rico, I am sorry, I had no idea that this was _this_ good!"

Rico smirked and lay back.

"Ever since you pointed out the camera trick, I've been looking for subtleties and, oh it just adds another le-"

"SHUSH!" Rico announced as he sat up, paying close attention to the screen.

_The elevator opened and a suited man stepped on, muttering, "Wrong floor."_

_The driver eyed him as the doors closed. He caught a quick glimpse of the gun stashed away in his coat pocket and quickly snapped back to himself._

_The driver extended his arm and pushed Irene against the wall of the elevator. He turned to the girl and stepped forward as an ambient chorus flooded the air. Everything slowed down as the lights dimmed until only their faces were illuminated. He wrapped a hand around his waist and pulled himself towards her. For a brief moment, her eyes fluttered closed as the Driver leaned ever closer until his lips softly touched hers._

Private felt a tremendous weight leave him. Whether that was from the tension of the film or some pressure he never realized, he felt himself let go. His shoulders dropped as his beak fell open. His mind went blank for a few short seconds. Emotion. That was what Private felt it as. Pure, raw emotion in its simplest form, and with no other way to describe it.

He had never seen something so wordless, so indescribable on the screen before. Perhaps it was because this was his first rated R movie and simply was not used to what might be the norm in every other film. Perhaps everyone was right and Private really is overly emotional all the time. Or perhaps Marlene made the scene feel so real. He longed to be in their shoes, to have Marlene in his arms like that.

He turned over to Rico, who, to his surprise, had also melted away. His beak was open with the same captured stare Private shared.

_Soon the music died down and the Driver turned to the other man in the elevator. He quickly pounced on him before he could grab his gun. He threw him against the wall then to the floor._

"Oh...Oh dear!" Private squealed as a blood-red, visceral violence filled the screen. He shielded his eyes and turned his head away. Rico's entranced gaze turned into a cathartic grin as the scene unfolded.

Once the R-rated violence had ceased, Private eagerly, yet nervously turned back to the movie.

_Then the Driver turned back to the woman. His face was sweaty and blood-soaked, but open. The girl backed out of the elevator in abject horror at the man she once loved. The hero who never once shed a tear throughout the entire movie began to well up. Private, too, began to well up. It resonated with him, but he could not figure out why. Nevertheless, he still felt a tremendous amount of guilt and shame all the same. The scene was melancholic, foreboding. At once, the elevator door closed, separating the two and the worlds they live in._

Private,overcome with emotion, turned to see Rico's reaction. He was bored. All he wanted was the scene to continue. But Private saw something in his eyes, some emotion he was hiding.

* * *

As the final credits rolled and the cheesy electro-pop song began playing, Private felt lost for words. He was dumbfounded. Rico rolled himself to his feet and yawned as he walked over to the TV and extracted the disc.

"Rico, that was..."

"O'ay?" Rico asked as he put the DVD in its case.

"Brilliant."

"Ehh, it' a'ight," he said as he tiredly walked back to Rico.

"A-Alright?! Really?! Rico, that was great! I had never expected something like that! It was so subtle in all the right ways! Oh, I had never watched movies like that before! Thank you, Rico."

Rico grinned and waved off his compliments.

"No, really. I-I don't think I'd ever see something like that on my own. And I never would have noticed all the little things without you." Rico could not help but blush and giggle a little.

There was a short pause between them where Rico's smile faded and they stood near each other.

"R-Rico? I have something to ask you."

"O'ay."

"I-...If you like someone, like _really_ like someone, how do you tell them?"

Rico blinked and stepped back as he was taken off guard. He saw how nervous Private was and replied, "You 'ust do..."

"Oh...Well...I just really like Marlene and I don't want her to hate me for it."

"Oh..."

"Right. A-And I'm really scared of her taking it the wrong way a-and then she might not look at me the same and then-"

Rico slapped him across the face. He grabbed both of Private's shoulders and looked him in the eye, "'Ust do..."

"I-I-, Bu-..." Private sighed and let his eyes sink to the floor, "I guess you're right...I'm just really nervous."

"Eyy, 'on'' wowwy 'bout," he grunted as he walked towards the window.

"Oh, one thing!" Private stopped him. "Y-You wouldn't happen to have an alarm clock, would you?" Rico smiled and quickly upchucked a digital clock. "Thanks, Rico."

"An'-'ime." Rico stood at the edge of the windowsill but turned back and said, "Do a'ain som'ime?"

"Oh, of course! A-And...can the next movie be rated R t-too...?"

Rico chuckled quickly, said goodnight, and left Private alone in Alice's office.

He still mulled over what he just saw. That was his first real rated R movie he ever saw in his life, and it had been far more than he ever expected. He originally thought all adult movies was violent gore-fests that exploited as much as they could, but this was complex, it was mature. And watching it made Private feel a little more mature.

He knew Skipper had forbade him watching such movies, just as Skipper forbade seemingly everything he was doing with Rico. If Private had gathered anything from this, it was, at the very least, that being bad felt pretty good.

* * *

Private had planned on slinking back to bed, avoiding anything else to do with Marlene. It was past midnight and that day had been a particularly long one. He did not expect to find Marlene sitting on her bed, still awake and drying her face once he walked in. "Hey Private?"

"H-Hey Marlene. Why are you crying?"

"Oh, it's no reason," she said, sniffling, as she tried to wipe her tears away. Private walked over to her slowly. He stopped just right in front of her. She looked up at him through watery eyes. His showed nothing but empathy and concern.

"I'm stuck."

"Stuck? Stuck how?"

"I just am. I can't make any right decision."

"Are you sure? Did you want to tell me?"

"Not really," she said hoarsely as she was still recovering from crying.

"Marlene, you can tell me anything. Really!"

"I'm just...drifting," Marlene trailed off.

"Drifting?"

"Nevermind. Don't worry about it," she said as she finished wiping off her face. "At least you've had a better day for once, at least before tonight."

"N-No..."

"No what?"

"I lied about earlier...Skippah went without me because he said I wasn't important. I didn't get the day off..."

"Oh..." She chuckled a little before continuing, "We are both just such a mess."

Private gave a very uneasy laugh in agreement.

"It wasn't this hard a week ago."

"I can leave if you want me to," Private half-joked.

"No...Don't..." Marlene said.

Her voice was as soft as silk to him. She gazed at him with the same type of gaze he held for months, years even. Everything relaxed when he was close to her. There was no Skipper, no training, no missions, no agency...Only Marlene and himself. He felt himself open up, as though he melted completely. She could ask him anything and he would answer without hesitation.

"A-Are you sure?"

"Of course I am...I really like having you around..."

"R-Right...M-Marlene, I'm sorry abo-"

Marlene bolted forward, "Oh for the love of God!" Private grimaced. It was only after Marlene had wrapped her arms around him that his mind stopped racing. "Would you stop saying sorry so much?" Marlene asked sincerely as her voice grew hoarse, "I hate to see you like this. Just know that you never have to apologize to me, about anything...okay...?"

Oh how Private wanted to for once give himself some sort of courage. They were locked together in such a way that seemed like she was waiting on him to move. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. The movie from before came flooding back into memory. He imagined himself leaning in like the Driver did, wrapping his flippers around her, feeling everything else slip away. He imagined her pressed against the wall, pulling him into her, sharing an intimacy he had never known before. He imagined the same ambient music deafening all else in the world aside from them. He imagined the same feeling of hopeless desperation towards each other.

"O-Okay..." was all he could muster. _Okay_ was all that he could conjure? All that he could say to the girl of his dreams? To the same girl who occupied his thoughts almost every night? The same girl who took him in?

He cringed to himself and Marlene backed away from him. "I'm glad to have someone like you around..." she said smiling as she wiped her eyes. Private knew she wanted more out of him. He could feel that she wanted him to act in some way more than she expected. There was an emotional gap between them. Yet, all he could do was hug her in the same way as anyone else might.

She broke the hug and replied, "Thanks for being such a great friend."

_"Friend..."_

"I-I'm always here if you need me...hehe..."

"I know. Anyway, I think it's way past our bedtime..."

 _"No...! don't leave...!"_ "I think you're right..." Private muttered regretfully.

"Tomorrow will be better. I promise." Marlene walked over to her bunk, her face dry and tear-less, "Goodnight, Private."

"G-Goodnight!" Private choked out as he sat back in his bed, defeated. He wished he was not such a coward. He wished there was an easier way to go about this than what Rico said...

* * *

Private's alarm clock rang at 7:45. Private awoke, groggy, but with a spring in his step. Marlene groaned and rolled over under covers at the obnoxious beeping. Private turned off the alarm clock and walked out of the otter habitat with a smile on his face. _"Maybe Kowalski is right. I'll make today a new day. I'll show Skipper!"_

He marched toward the penguin exhibit, with a spring in his step, thirty minutes early. Yet, when he arrive, it was completely empty. Nothing happened.

He waited a bit long to see if Skipper and the rest would climb out of the cover over their HQ, yet the minutes still rolled on. "I-I don't understand! They should be out here by now!" Private said worriedly as he paced back and forth.

Soon, Marlene stopped over when she did not hear any commotion or Skipper's usual screaming. "Where's everyone else?"

"I don't know!" Private replied as he paced back and forth, worried. "I'm even here early! Oh dear, w-wot if they were captured? Or they're on a dangerous mission!"

"Pr-Private-!"

"And they didn't bring me! Oh they do think I'm useless!"

"Private, calm down!"

"I'm a sham, Marlene! A sham!"

 _"Private, Skipper, Rico and I are going on a secret supply run. We'll be back any minute."_ Marlene clicked off the tape recorder with a hand on her hips.

"Where did you find that?"

"Right here on the ground," she said, slightly mocking him.

"Ohh..."

"Well...?" Marlene smiled.

"Well wot?" Private asked, confused.

"Well I'm just saying, 'Hey!' You have another free day."

"Hmm..."

"So, come on, let's go-"

"I can't...I'm sorry, Marlene. What if I leave and they come back while I'm gone? How would that look?"

"Private, stop worrying. You know they're not coming back for hours."

"I-I know, but I can't. It's...It's not right. K'walski said something to me yesterday. He said that I should try to prove Skippah wrong."

"Who cares what Skipper thinks?"

"I do!" Private reasoned, "I'm still apart of the team. I still want Skippah to just be proud of me."

"Okay," Marlene said as she sat on the fake ice next to him.

"Y-You're going to stay here and wait with me?"

"Well, at least until I get bored," she smiled, "And I don't have anything better to do." Private smiled in return.

The hours fell off the clock as they waited for the others to return. The two kept themselves occupied with each other's company all the while. There was not a dull moment for Private. He wanted to say how he felt. He waited for any sort of opportunity; any cue. Unfortunately for him, he could not muster the courage.

After a few hours, Marlene wished him luck and returned back to her exhibit.

Private, despite nearly dozing off a few times, managed to keep himself upright throughout the rest of the day. The sun was just starting to set once he saw Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico enter back into the zoo. Private glanced at the clock and saw that it read "6:05." Private frowned and felt himself getting a little heated. He got even angrier when he saw that all three of them had snowcones in their hands and were laughing about something. " _Top secret mission, indeed..."_ He let it slide past him and gave a sharp solute.

"Private, reporting for duty...sir..." he said as they entered the habitat.

"Private?" Skipper questioned, somewhat in disbelief, "How long have you been out here?"

"Since eight-twenty, sir."

"You've been out here for ten hours?"

"Yes sir!"

Skipper paced around him with a surprised grin on his face and his flippers on his hips. Private kept a straight face and remained at attention. That did not stop him from exchanging somewhat relieved glances between Rico and Kowalski. Skipper stood back with the other two. "Well, I can't say I'm not impressed. Dismissed soldier, see you tomorrow."

"T-Thank you, Skippah," Private said, relieved, as he lowered his flipper from its salute.

"You're dismissed as well," Skipper motioned to the other two as they all headed back to the entrance to HQ. Rico plainly walked past Private and did not return the expectant glance Private gave him. Private sighed and relaxed his shoulders.

"Oh, and...Sorry."

Private turned around to face Skipper. Kowalski stayed by the hatch and waited on the sidelines to see how this unfolded. "Sorry about the way I acted towards you last night. I shouldn't have done that." His apology seemed almost forced, but somehow still managed to be sincere.

"Oh, uhm...thank you, Skippah."

"This doesn't mean you're getting off easy."

"O-Of course."

"Alright, goodnight, Private."

Private stepped forward, "Wait, Skippah."

"What is it?"

"W-...Wot is this all about?"

Skipper cracked a cheesy grin but it faded as how saw how serious and nervous Private was. Skipper waddled towards him, trying to conjure up an response along the way. Private just wanted to know what the reason behind all of this, whatever _this_ , was. It had seemed like Skipper had been completely contradictory every other day. Some days were absolutely awful, whereas yesterday and today he practically had the day off.

Private waited for an answer that never came. The commander repeated, "Goodnight, Private." He walked back to the hatch over HQ. He gave Kowalski, who still stood on the sidelines, a sharp glance before simply nodding and following behind Rico.

Kowalski walked up to Private with his snowcone out, "I think you deserve this a it more than I do."

"Thanks...I-I'm really sorry about all those things I said last night...a-and how angry I got..."

"It's alright, Private. You don't need to apologize to me.

"Oh...K'walski? Can I ask you something?"

"Oh, I don't see why not?"

"I-If you like someone, like, really like someone...How do you tell them?"

Kowalski asked, "Who is this about?"

Private blushed, "Marlene."

Kowalski was shocked beyond words. "I-...I wouldn't bother, if I were you."

"K'walski?!"

He sighed, "If you want someone to know you like them, then just tell them. That's about all I can say about her-, I mean, that."

"Why? Wot's wrong with Marlene?"

"Nothing. It's nothing Private. Just don't get your hopes too high. Anyway, I'll see you around."

"Bye, K'walski," Private waved off as the older penguin went back into the penguin headquarters.

Private felt like he was getting all the wrong answers. Or, at least, he was getting the answers he did not really want to hear. He wanted something easy, something surefire. Just telling her seemed so elementary, so basic. And what if she said no? Why would she say anything else? He had been nothing but either really sad or annoying or _'boring'_ around her.

Private hated to think what would happen if she took it the wrong way. _"How would I keep staying with her after something like that? Oh, it would be so...so...awkward! Just her knowing how much I loved her and how uncomfortable she'd be from it. Oh dear, oh dear..."_

But what if she said yes? What if everything he was worrying about never happened? He could not help but compare himself with the Driver, and how suave he was. His mind drifted back to the elevator scene. How delicate he was. And how she saw him for what he really was. How they could never be together, almost like how he saw him and Marlene.

He stared down at the half-eaten snowcone Kowalski had given him as he walked out of the penguin exhibit. It was a small consolation prize. He shook his head and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

Private, reluctantly, was set on telling Marlene his feelings, one way or another.

* * *

The young penguin returned to find Marlene's cave empty. Yet, he heard a soft humming overhead. He left the cave and made his way to the roof. Private found Marlene resting on her back, staring up at the sky. Private wordlessly walked over and lay beside her. She stopped humming and scooted over a little to give more room between them. The bright city lights muted any chance of starlight.

"I don't think you'll see much up here," Private commented.

"Yeah, yeah...I just think it's fun. It's like a game to see if you can see any."

"Do you ever see any stars?"

"Every once in a while."

"I'm more of a fan of him," Private pointed upwards.

"Him...? You mean the moon?"

Private nodded his head.

"Why?"

"I dunno. I guess I just like him more."

"Are you sure it's a him?"

"He seems like a him."

"It's the moon, Private."

"I know..." he said twiddling his flippers together. "But it's a him, though."

Marlene huffed with a smile, "If you say so. Why do you care?"

Private shrugged. He sat upwards, committed to his goal. He glanced over at Marlene as she focused her attention on the empty night sky overhead. "Marlene...are you happy?"

"Of course I am. I really like star-gazing-"

N-No...I mean, _are_ you _happy_?"

She sighed, never looking back at Private. She sat up and replied, "I don't know...It's complicated."

"Why's that?

"My problems are just all over the place. Why? Are you happy?"

There was n elongated silence. Marlene turned to him, "Private?"

"I-I just...Marlene...Can I be honest?"

"Of course, Private. What's wrong?"

"I-I...It's hard to get out..."

"Listen, Private, you don;t have to be embarrassed around m-"

"I like you..." Private finally said as his cheeks were flushed red. "Marlene, I like you. I really like you. A-And I have for a while now. A-And you're smart and-and wonderful and pretty and-..." It was going horribly. He planned out what he wanted to say but everything he thought about disconnected from his mouth. He knew he was rambling about all the basic adjectives to describe someone like her.

He sighed and began again, "We're both boats without sails...I-I have felt lost for a while now. Even before the mission. I don't know why but I don't know how to deal with it. I-It seems like nothing ever goes right for me. Ever. But with you I don't care. With you, I feel something...With you I-I feel...like I'm someone else. I know you're feeling awful from your last boyfriend, w-whoever he was, a-and I don't know what you're feeling. But Marlene, the world feels wrong, so let's both be drifters together..."

Her silence was more crushing than anything else she could have said.

_"Come on...Say something!"_

"Private...Look..." she muttered uneasily as she shifted about. She was visibly uncomfortable either from trying to find the right words to say or from the entire situation. He was waiting, desperately, for her to say the _Let's just be friends_ line. He wanted the band-aid to come off.

Marlene straightened herself up and sighed heavily. She had mulled over her options in her mind. It was for the best. She looked back at him with a cold, blank stare. "I don't like you at all..."

"Marlene...?"

"You just made things extremely awkward and weird between us. Just sitting here I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable. I don't know why exactly I let you stay here...But I did, so...Sorry."

Private shivered as he began crying uncontrollably. Marlene shed a tear herself but wiped her face as she tried to hide it. "Please leave. Please don't talk to me again, alone, like this. And-"

Private leaped to his feet and fled away in embarrassment. His sobbing bounced back in forth in her head endlessly. "P-Private..." she whispered to herself, begging him to come back. It was too late for him to hear it. He was gone. She pushed him away.

The weight of it all through itself back at her. She cried out in shame and guilt. She sobbed worse than he had. "What was I supposed to do?" she asked meekly to herself. She

What was she supposed to say? What else could she have done? She knew what would happen if she said yes. She him off permanently. She had to break it hard. But it hurt more than she imagined.

Down below, Private collapsed to his knees, unable to stand. He fell against the wall to Marlene's cave as he cried. _"Why cant something go right? Why can't anything ever go right for me?!"_

For once in his life Private believed he had a chance at a relationship, a _real_ relationship. He had never known intimacy like that, to know someone in such a way. He had always heard love spoke about so profoundly and poetically. Until that day, it seemed like another dream far out of his reach. Until then, he never realized how much it burned either.

"Private..." Marlene briefly broke his depressed silence. She leaned against the wall outside her cave further from him, almost expectantly.

" _Oh dear, what is it this time?!"_ Private sulked in his mind. Then he noticed how pale and soaked her face was. "M-Marlene! I'm so sorry! I-I didn't know how-I-I-I never meant anything by it, I swear!"

Marlene said nothing in reply. She eyed him up and down with pity. Private stood expecting more of the worse. He knew that he never should have said anything at all.

She moved ever closer towards him. Private backed up, tears still dripping from his eyes, until he bumped into the outer wall of Marlene's cave. He froze, afraid of the inevitable torment to ensue.

Then everything went silent.

Marlene placed her hand on his hips. She looked at him with regretful, longing eyes.

His flipper wrapped itself around her waist of its own accord. It's was a completely reflex and Private felt he had no control over it. He hardly put it past him as his train of thought melted.

Marlene pulled herself into him and touched her lips to his.

Private froze.

Then he softened and slowly began to return her embrace. His eyes fluttered shut as he pulled her closer. She tasted like everything he never had in his life; everything he never realized he wanted up until that moment.

They separated. Their eyes stayed locked to each others. Private remained plastered against the wall, a statue unable to move. She drifted back. Private smiled in a daze. Yet, she could not do the same. She still had a worried, almost guilty look.

"Marlene?"

"Goodnight Private," she said softly as she began to leave him.

"S-So does this mean we're...?" Private forced out as his face blushed.

She smirked amidst tears before repeating, "Goodnight Private."

"Do I still have to leave?" Private forced out quickly.

She shook her head delicately before she left.

The young penguin stood alone outside as the blank night sky lay draped overtop of him and a cool city breeze washed over the zoo. Despite the melancholic atmosphere, Private felt himself burn up. In a matter of seconds, Private had changed from deeply unhappy to a mellow shade of ease and relief. He collapsed to the ground, still resting against the wall, but with a wide, dazed grin.

Never in his life had Private felt more right than that night.

Yet at the same time, he did not know what to think of how she reacted. The coldness she seemed to have was a mystery to him. If she had said all those things before, why did she still kiss him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is over 7000 words, but it took me much longer than I thought. Do you prefer longer, less frequent chapters, or quicker chapters that are only around 2-3000 words?
> 
> Also, let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> There. That was at least an attempt. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment letting me know what you think. Also, how is my writing?


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